Put A Sock In It!
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Have you ever had a sock go missing? Have you come across that little, lonely, lost sock in your drawer, and never been able to find its partner? Well, I don’t doubt that you have – since this has been a problem faced by all sock-wearers since the beginning of Sockstory. It is a problem that baffles even the best of us – but finally, there may be a solution! Read on to find out how to solve the infamous ‘Solo Sock Sickness’.
The first step is to properly understand your socks. Put yourself in their shoes (Be sure not to use riding boots – they have been known to hurt sockless feet) and think about how they feel. If your day-to-day life was to be stepped on, walked all over, and positively trampled by the master who dictated your every action – would you not also run away from home? Your socks feel the same! So if you want to keep your socks underfoot, you need to try to keep them happy.
First off is the ever-terrible ‘Arranged Sockage’. Why should you get to pick your sock’s partner? Why should a sock have to spend its life with another simply because they look the same? In the sock’s eyes, this is unfair. True love blossoms from the sole – so let your sock choose its own partner, and you’ll be well on the way to winning your sock’s loyalty.
Still – socks don’t always succeed in matching themselves up. Should this be the case, your sock will trust you to select the best partner for it. When doing this, please carefully consider the following:
Will your sock feel comfortable with its partner? Recent studies have shown that socks generally feel intimidated by partners much longer, shorter, thicker, thinner, softer or coarser than they are. As such, you should try to find your sock a partner of equal length and the same material.
Is your sock’s partner too similar? As mentioned before, matching a sock with its identical twin seldom works, as this is wrong – very wrong. There are precious few socks who will stand for this sort of matchmaking, and as we all know, a sock that refuses to stand can be extremely dangerous – especially on slippery floors. So unless you want a rather bruised bottom, remember not to wear two socks exactly the same. Try a blue and red, or stripes and spots! Be creative – your socks will appreciate this.
Your socks are trusting your matchmaking skills. If you know that your fashion sense is horrible (I am a prime example here) seek professional help, rather than deal with dissatisfied socks.
Do you feel like you understand your socks’ feelings a little more now? If not – I encourage you to go through your drawer and stroke each of your socks to find out how it feels. You may want to record your findings, since most sockable materials tend to feel somewhat similar, and it is often difficult to keep track of the texture of each sock.
Now that we have covered the vast area of correct and incorrect sockage, let us go on to Sock-health.
Socks would appreciate it if you keep your toenails short. This is for two main reasons:
Long toenails are revolting, and your socks will be ashamed to be seen with you if you don’t take the time to prune your feet every once in a while. Long toenails can be terribly hazardous to sock health! Yes – toenails can even cause ‘Holey Sock Syndrome’ – a terrible disease that causes socks to wear away in the toes. This is terribly painful, and your sock will not thank you for it! In fact, some braver socks have even been known to sacrifice themselves in order to expose their wearer’s toe at a valiant attempt at revenge! That’s right – expose your socks to Holey Sock Syndrome, and they’ll expose you to cold feet!
So, if you want good, obedient socks that won’t slip, trip and nip you – then follow these guidelines, and respect your socks!
Don’t agree? |
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Painted Destiny
Oh my gosh! I simply love this!! :) I'm sure my socks will too! :)
Oh my gosh! I simply love this!! :) I'm sure my socks will too! :)
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Jan 27, 2011
• 6,602 views
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Eire
Simply hilarious. Fantastic tips!
Simply hilarious. Fantastic tips!
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Jan 27, 2011
• 6,906 views
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Equestri
*dies laughing*
You are too awesome, Polo. xD
*dies laughing*
You are too awesome, Polo. xD
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Jan 27, 2011
• 6,653 views
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Finally There
Oh my! This made me smile and laugh and oh dear! I love it!
Oh my! This made me smile and laugh and oh dear! I love it!
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Jan 27, 2011
• 6,601 views
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T W I
Polo strikes again, with yet another of her hillarious articles!
Polo strikes again, with yet another of her hillarious articles!
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Jan 27, 2011
• 6,596 views
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Jan 27, 2011
• 6,645 views
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AlwaysSmilin
Wow, this is too good to be true! Polo, you are simply amazing.
Wow, this is too good to be true! Polo, you are simply amazing.
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Jan 27, 2011
• 6,751 views
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L u n a r
Haha THis is great, and reminds me of myself. I NEVER where matching socks.
Haha THis is great, and reminds me of myself. I NEVER where matching socks.
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Jan 27, 2011
• 6,816 views
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Wunderkind
Haha I LOVE this. I think I have a closest of very happy socks--people laugh and exclaim when I'm actually wearing a matching pair because it's such a rare event. I suppose that means my socks are happier with different partners :P
Haha I LOVE this. I think I have a closest of very happy socks--people laugh and exclaim when I'm actually wearing a matching pair because it's such a rare event. I suppose that means my socks are happier with different partners :P
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Jan 27, 2011
• 6,705 views
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sassy3
I can't stop laughing * keeps laughing out loud*
I can't stop laughing * keeps laughing out loud*
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Jan 28, 2011
• 6,636 views
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Polo the Weirdo
MOD
Hehe! I'm glad you guys enjoyed this. :D I've been planning to take a stand for Socks' Rights for quite some time now. :P
Hehe! I'm glad you guys enjoyed this. :D I've been planning to take a stand for Socks' Rights for quite some time now. :P
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Jan 28, 2011
• 6,618 views
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Milly
And there i am, never thought about the life of my socks.
When all this time they don't want to be forced together.
At least it saves buying more!
And there i am, never thought about the life of my socks.
When all this time they don't want to be forced together.
At least it saves buying more!
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Jan 28, 2011
• 6,644 views
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Jan 28, 2011
• 6,628 views
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DustyRider
I can now understand my socks,i realize what they have been telling me all along!I dont know what i would do without you!
I can now understand my socks,i realize what they have been telling me all along!I dont know what i would do without you!
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Jan 28, 2011
• 6,620 views
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friesians4eva
this artical is brilliant off to sock drawer...lol
this artical is brilliant off to sock drawer...lol
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Jan 28, 2011
• 6,813 views
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Moody Farms
MOD
Very informative. I shall do my best to keep my socks happy and healthy.
Very informative. I shall do my best to keep my socks happy and healthy.
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Jan 28, 2011
• 7,576 views
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Pink Pony
I love this article, truely amazing. i am shore my socks will thank you
I love this article, truely amazing. i am shore my socks will thank you
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Jan 28, 2011
• 7,574 views
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Jan 28, 2011
• 7,593 views
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Merlin
Haha this is hilarious :D people dont even take the time to think about thier socks anymore *shakes head* such a shame...
Haha this is hilarious :D people dont even take the time to think about thier socks anymore *shakes head* such a shame...
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Jan 28, 2011
• 7,582 views
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holls
RANDOM- This is hilariouse LOL FACTOR. OMG this is too good. I think I will take more care of my socks from now on!LOL
RANDOM- This is hilariouse LOL FACTOR. OMG this is too good. I think I will take more care of my socks from now on!LOL
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Jan 28, 2011
• 7,582 views
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RiskyRocker
LOL! This is a rocking article!
LOL! This is a rocking article!
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Jan 30, 2011
• 7,560 views
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Jan 30, 2011
• 7,913 views
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Breegirly
Funny! Lol can you write about shoes next?
Funny! Lol can you write about shoes next?
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Jan 30, 2011
• 7,924 views
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Jan 30, 2011
• 7,920 views
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Always
lol! THAT'S HILLARIOUS!!!!!
lol! THAT'S HILLARIOUS!!!!!
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59 days ago
• 7,228 views
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Always
lol! THAT'S HILLARIOUS!!!!!
lol! THAT'S HILLARIOUS!!!!!
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59 days ago
• 7,226 views
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Balla Eclectic
MOD
Sock respect. I can respect that. LOL
Thanks for a sockful of socking good information Polo. D
Sock respect. I can respect that. LOL
Thanks for a sockful of socking good information Polo. D
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58 days ago
• 7,190 views
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Pintie
Tell that to my mother :)
Tell that to my mother :)
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57 days ago
• 7,181 views
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Wanderin Boy Memorial
MOD
Haha, this is too funny.
"Think like a sock"
Polo you are awesome.
How did you come up with this?
Haha, this is too funny.
"Think like a sock"
Polo you are awesome.
How did you come up with this?
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57 days ago
• 7,181 views
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Tilla
XD I can't ever find even just one matching pair. Polo, Polo! *Falls over, laughing my head off and pounding the floor*
XD I can't ever find even just one matching pair. Polo, Polo! *Falls over, laughing my head off and pounding the floor*
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57 days ago
• 7,378 views
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