The Gross Things Horses Do
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Horses are elegant, noble, lovely creatures, celebrated in song and story. That is, until they do something indisputably inelegant, ignoble and un-lovely. Because sometimes, horses can be downright gross.
Gas Generation
Horses are gas making machines. There’s something about digesting all that fiber that produces a lot of gas. And, there’s something about brushing a horse’s tail or lifting a hind hoof to clean it, that makes a horse expel those noxious fumes. For some reason, as inoffensive as actual horse manure is, these fumes can leave you gagging and coughing. It always happens when you’re in very close range. It’s difficult to say why this happens and perhaps some day someone will research the phenomenon and solve the mystery. It probably has something to do with some sort of lever that exists in the tail and hind legs that opens the noxious gas valve.
The Runs
Diarrhea in horses isn't something to be taken lightly. Runny feces can indicate some pretty serious health problems, so if your horse has diarrhea for no apparent reason, especially if it’s accompanied by a change of attitude, appetite or higher temperature, it’s time to call the vet. Then there’s the diarrhea that happens at competitions and other events. This is caused by nerves. The ‘ick factor’ can really escalate if this happens when you’re brushing out the tail, or cleaning the hind hooves. Not only is it messy, especially if you’re trying to keep you and your horse clean for the show ring, it also means you have to try to entice your horse to drink as often as possible. Diarrhea, no matter what the cause, can lead to dehydration.
Urination
It’s great fun when you've brought your horse in from the pasture, where it’s been grazing peacefully for the last twenty four hours, and it decides to relieve itself. Horses don’t really seem to appreciate freshly cleaned stalls. And they don’t really care that you have to scramble if they decide to relieve themselves while in cross ties. They are supremely indifferent to the large malodorous puddle now flowing down the stable aisle, and to the fact you’re wearing leather boots and aren't really sure of the best way to stem the tide.
Sneeze
What could be more fun than having your horse blow sticky horse sneeze all down the front of a clean shirt? It’s even more exciting when there’s some sort of chaff or dirt in the slime. This most frequently happens when you’re wearing a white top, or your show clothes. Horses do get colds and other infections and then things can go beyond gross.
Cough and Expel Gas
This is a classic combination guaranteed to bring non-horse lovers to their knees with laughter. Because no horse can ever just cough and pass gas once. It has to happen in multiples, so if anyone missed the first bout, they’re sure to hear the second, and the third... One of the goals of showing is to catch the judges’ eye, so if this happens in the show ring, not only will you catch the judges eye, but their ear, along with the ear of every person standing along the rail.
Image Credit: © Kcho | Dreamstime.com |
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