Your Horses Valentines Plan
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   15th Feb 2017   •   611 views   •   0 comments
Your Horses Valentines Plans

Although most of us always strive to visit our precious ponies on Valentines to pamper them with carrots and cuddles, sometimes you have to wonder what your pony gets up to after youíve left. Is he escaping his stable to draw special love messages in the sand of his favourite mareís paddock? Practicing his kissing skills on his salt lick? Maybe he just struts around trying to woo any mare whoíll have him? As long as itís all happening behind closed barn doors, who can know what your horseís Valentines plans really are? Well, we may not know, but I have a theory.

Horses spend the majority of their lives eating, snoozing, and occasionally spooking at their own farts. With such a blissful existence, itís pretty difficult to imagine how a horse could make things any more romantic. Still, when they pull out all the stops, some horses can be great gift givers. Here is what your horse is planning to give you this valentine.

1. Poop
Horses have a lot of this. In fact, they can produce about 50 pounds a day. Thatís 9 tons a year. To gain a little perspective, imagine you gathered up all that poop (not that we really have to imagine...), collected it together, and started sculpting. Using a yearsí worth of this stuff, you could sculpt an entire Tyrannosaurus Rex. Thatís right. Your horse produces one T-Rex of poop per year.

But what does this have to do with Valentines day? Well, put simply, 9 out of 10 horses would much rather sniff poop than flowers. And based on the horses I know, Iím pretty sure 8 of 10 would rather eat poop than chocolate. You might think thatís gross, but to your horse, the fact that you wear perfume made from whale vomit and beaver urine is probably gross, and he doesnít judge you. So just be cool. Different stokes, man.

2. A luxury holiday... to the hospital
Horses are big. In fact, your horse probably weighs about 600kg (1322 lbs). Thatís the same as 14 toilets. Imagine being lovingly cuddled by 14 toilets at once. Itís not romantic. Itís lethal. And unsanitary (after all, a horse probably contains more poop than a toilet). So next time you demand a Valentines cuddle from your horse, think about what youíre really asking for. Just think about it.

If you think these sound like the perfect valentines gifts, then go ahead and get that bouquet of carrots, get down on one knee, and ask your horse to be your valentine. If, however, you prefer not to sculpt poop T-Rexes or be crushed by 14 toilets, I suggest you find a valentine better suited to your tastes for next year. Maybe try a cat. Cats are great gift givers. Really. Youíll love the gifts your cat valentine gets you.
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
A Tribute To Polo
19th Nov 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
So, to my Polo, goodbye, and thank you. You were more important to me than you could ever know. And to all you at Ponybox, Hello again, and thanks for waiting. With this long overdue tribute to a very special muse, Polo the Weirdo ...
Stolen Horse Raced to Death
6th May 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
For many people all over the world, the Easter weekend is a very happy time Ė full of love, life and family. However, for a select few South African horses, the Easter weekend has become a fearful time of danger, pain and sufferin ...
Finnish Hobbyhorse Association
23rd Apr 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Over the last decade, the sport of hobbyhorse riding has grown to become a global craze among teenage girls, culminating in a plethora of social media attention following the decision of Finnish film-maker and academy award winner ...
Top Ten Similarities Between Your Horse and the Easter Bunny
22nd Apr 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
With Easter just around the corner, we all have a lot of questions in our minds. How many Easter Eggs will I get? Where will they be hiding? Where can I hide them where my siblings can never, ever (ever) find them? Did we really f ...
If Horses Were Celebrities
17th Apr 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Horse and Hound recently released a quiz which tells you, based on a series of questions, what celebrity your horse would be if he was a human. Unsurprisingly, my own Moonfire would probably be Kanye West. This got me thinking, if ...
Alternative Equine Behavior Issues
15th Apr 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Have you ever thought about the terms that we equestrians use for horse behavior problems, and what those terms would sound like to the average man on the street? Our jargon often leads to much confusion for the layman (which ofte ...
Riding Ex Racehorse Tackless On Beach VIDEO
9th Apr 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Have you ever wondered what would happen if you took an ex-racehorse out into a wide-open space, like a beach? Have you ever wondered what would happen, if you were to strip off all tack, and take that ex-racehorse out in a neck s ...
Alternative Horse Uses
8th Apr 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Horses have had many uses throughout history, but have you ever considered that we may be overlooking their most obvious, most fitting uses? Here are some alternative uses for the modern horse. ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
©2002 - 2017   PonyBox LLC Create Account Terms & Conditions Privacy Contact Us
351 Members Online 238,173 Registered Members 2,357 News Articles 9,568,044 Unique News Article Views 206,952,452 Website Views