Horses

Forums
10 Signs you have the Wrong Instructor
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   10th Mar 2017   •   260 views   •   0 comments
10 Signs you have the Wrong Instructor


Believe it or not, in the horse world, there are such things as ‘bad instructors’, or (because perhaps your instructor wouldn’t be bad for every rider) at least ‘wrong instructors’. Human beings in general tend to be fairly self-interested creatures, and of course, nobody should be frowned upon for doing what they can to make a living. Unless ‘what they can’ involves endangering your life to fill their pockets. That’s only okay for sky diving instructors, and believe it or not, sky diving is not supposed to be what your riding instructor is teaching you. If you feel like your skydiving skills are improving more than your riding skills, then you probably have the wrong instructor. In order to ascertain whether your instructor is, in fact, helping and not hurting, please consult the following helpful list of ways to tell that you have the wrong instructor.

1. Your instructor regularly enthuses “Good job!” while watching cat videos on her smartphone as you hang upside down onto the neck of a galloping horse making laps of the arena. This is not a good job. This is a bad job. Horse riding is safer when atop the horse’s back and in the saddle, usually.

2. When jumping, you feel like reaching your stirrups is perfectly preparing you for the future ballet career that you are likely to take up after you get sick of eating dirt every time you sit on a horse. Ballet instructors do not make good riding instructors. Toes and heels cannot be pointed down at the same time. (Seriously, they can’t, try it.) If your instructor is not recommending a short enough stirrup length for jumping, you’ve probably got the wrong instructor.

3. After getting bucked off for the fifteenth time in a week, when you get the vet out to check the teeth of the ‘ten year old’ ‘schoolmaster’ that your instructor sourced for you, you find that somebody has replaced all of your poor horse’s teeth with those of a three year old. That must be the only explanation for the vet finding that your new horsey is actually only about a third of the age that your instructor claimed. Your instructor would never lie to you. Not even to buy herself a new car with the $9000 she earned from charging you $10,000 for a $1,000 horse.

4. If people at shows walk up to you and ask “who is your instructor?”, this gives an excellent opportunity to figure out if you have the wrong instructor or the right one. Consider the inflection of the person’s voice. If they sound amazed and awestruck, as if they were admiring a glorious sunset, or Kim Kardashian’s butt, then you probably have the right instructor. If they sound grave and sympathetic, as if they had just found out that your country voted in Donald Trump as its president, then you probably have the wrong instructor.

5. If, after five years of ‘jumping training’, you find yourself able to ride a perfect piaffe, but unable to approach a 60cm cross bar, you probably have the wrong instructor. Most likely a good instructor, but also the wrong one. Not every instructor can teach every discipline. If I told you that I could teach you team penning, I would be lying. My horse is scared of cows. I barely know how to make my horse walk past cows, let alone ‘pen’ them. But if you offer to pay me to teach you team penning, well, sure I can. It can’t be that different from eventing, right? “Heels down! Sit up! Leg on!” Yeah. I got this.

6. If your instructor is able to get through more than three bottles of wine in a lesson, you probably have the wrong instructor. Or your instructor has the wrong pupil. You should never drive instructors to alcoholism, no matter how bad a job they are doing. This is wrong.

7. If you find yourself, after one extremely successful lesson on your horse, sitting in the stands at the World Equestrian Games several years later; watching your instructor win on the horse that you haven’t ridden since your first lesson, you might have the wrong instructor. Some extra professional schooling can go a long way for any horse, and could help out your riding too. But only if you ride. If you are not sitting on a horse, you are probably not learning to ride. You do not have an instructor... You have a sponsored rider. These are used for riding, not for instructing.

8. If your instructor regularly beats you with a crop, you probably have the wrong instructor. Crops are also used for riding, not instructing. Well, usually. Luckily it isn’t illegal to gently beat your pupils a little as long as you don’t work in a school. Right?

9. If you yourself having to run everything your instructor says through Google Translate before you can understand it, you might have the wrong instructor. Having an instructor that speaks your language (both in the literal and metaphorical sense) is fairly important if you are hoping to learn anything from them.

10. If your instructor has no sense of humour, you definitely have the wrong instructor. A good instructor always laughs when their pupil falls into a water jump, or gets bucked off into a steaming heap of poop. No, really. We’re supposed to do that... I promise.
Horse News More In This Category:  Horse Training      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
Fun Riding A Horse Without Owners Permission
18th Mar 2017   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Children, experience has taught me, are generally reckless and have not yet learned respect for other people’s property, nor any regard for the consequences to their actions. And since riding schools are notoriously buzzing like a ...
Opinionated Equestrians Confidence Issues
20th Feb 2017   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
As an occasionally arrogant, usually opinionated, and ‘always right’ equestrian, I feel that my opinion on all equestrian matters is relevant and important. Of course, this view is basically the ‘crazy horse lady starter kit’. We’ ...
Your Horses Valentines Plan
15th Feb 2017   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Horses spend the majority of their lives eating, snoozing, and occasionally spooking at their own farts. With such a blissful existence, it’s pretty difficult to imagine how a horse could make things any more romantic. Still, when ...
My Little Lion Horse
15th Oct 2016   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Many of you who have followed my previous articles will know of Moonfire, or ‘Moo’ – my arrogant, conceited, obnoxious, yet extremely lovable and talented thoroughbred gelding. You might also know that Moo has been enormously succ ...
My Horse is a #$@&%*!
8th Oct 2016   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
As I write this, I am soaking wet from the knee-down, with puddles in my boots, and sand in places I’d rather not mention. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: My horse is an #$@&%*! ...
Error 404 - Finances Not Found
11th Sep 2016   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Have you ever spent a few minutes sitting and listening while your much beloved (and deeply loathed) equestrian companion talks about the $60 she spent on her horse’s fancy new shoes, while your own moth-eaten sneakers gape sadly ...
Similarities between Students and Equestrians
4th Sep 2016   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Being part of both worlds, I couldn’t help but notice certain shocking similarities between students and equestrians. Though all must agree that both students and equestrians are unique breeds that just don’t quite ‘fit’ with the ...
What if horses could play Pokemon Go
21st Aug 2016   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Pokemon Go, an augmented reality mobile game based on Nintendo’s Pokemon series, is the latest craze taking over the globe. Pokemon Go places virtual Pokemon on a real world GPS map, encouraging players to capture, collect, and ba ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
 
Active News Discussions
Horse Show Riders Dismounted Based on Weight
6
comments
Horse Show Riders Dismounted Based on Weight
If Horses Were Feminists
12
comments
If Horses Were Feminists
What You Need to Know Before Giving Your Horse Away
2
comments
What You Need to Know Before Giving Your Horse Away
My Horse is a #$@&%*!
6
comments
My Horse is a #$@&%*!
If Horses Were Feminists
12
comments
If Horses Were Feminists
Countries Where Foals Are Bred For Horsemeat
1
comments
Countries Where Foals Are Bred For Horsemeat
Top 15 Reasons To Eat Your Pony
4
comments
Top 15 Reasons To Eat Your Pony
If Horses Were Feminists
12
comments
If Horses Were Feminists
If Horses Were Feminists
12
comments
If Horses Were Feminists
Is Eventing Really Too Dangerous
2
comments
Is Eventing Really Too Dangerous
 
©2002 - 2017   PonyBox LLC Create Account Terms & Conditions Privacy Contact Us
399 Members Online 236,433 Registered Members 2,248 News Articles 8,881,363 Unique News Article Views 190,766,190 Website Views