For Sale

Forums

Photos

Politics
Login to PonyBox!               Create Account
She Just Was
 By MissP   •   8th May 2010   •   6,489 views   •   23 comments
She Just Was

I guess as the cliche goes, this is my story. A recent part of my story, for my story prior to this isn’t one I ever want to re live let alone write down and share with the world. It is about one of my dreams, one that I had when i was very young but I never forgot all the same. It was unlike all the rest. For as long as I could remember I had dreamt of a place far away from were I was. It was always quiet, light, happy and safe. A place so unlike my waking moments that sleep was a welcomed treat. But this was one of those reoccurring dreams the ones with always the same beginning and ending.

She Just WasIt would start of with a feeling of anxiety, were ever it was I remember feeling as if it was the last place I wanted to be. It was dark and it was almost as if i was standing in a black box for there was nothing around me, just a sense of crushing loneliness. Then something would happen, a flicker of light a change in temperature but something that would start me running forward I would run till I came to a place that wasn’t so dark, shapes started becoming clear. I would find myself then standing next to a horse I never remembered its colour or what it looked like. Just the feeling that came with it, utter happiness, relief almost. I would always end up back in that black box with the feeling of anxiety before i woke up. Perhaps for that reason i never forgot that dream.

Im not a spiritual person, i don’t believe in things happening for a reason. Nor dreams coming true, or being able to tell the future. What i can see is what i believe. But in October last year a funny thing happened. I was finally able to have my own horse. Not one that I had to give back when i had finished working with it. Not one that I had a dead line with. I wasn’t sure what to think at first, I enjoyed riding many different horses and not being tied down to any. But before I could even begin deciding or looking around at available horses. A horse kinda appeared, I mean she had been there for awhile. But suddenly it all just seemed to fit into place and needless to say a few weeks later she arrived. I was so scared to begin with. Never before had I done something like this. I was very good at making sure I always had a way out. An easy way to just drop everything and run. Never owning my own horse ment i didn’t have to commit to anything. Keeping friends and family at arms length so I could run away from them aswell if need be. But all of a sudden and all to quickly I had this horse, this commitment, something that I couldn’t escape. I have spent my life running away from one thing or another and now I felt stuck.

She Just Was

My anxiety that I was keeping at arms length came back, as did my bad eating habits and it had been a long time since I had cried so much. Then another funny thing happened, I was suddenly waking up to go check on this horse. This commitment, this thing that kept me tied to the spot. Thats exactly were it was keeping me, tied to life with an aim. I had a commitment and I suddenly had some direction again. She was the only thing in my day in my life that had structure to it, it was solid and real.

Over the next six months it was becoming harder and harder to ride. Both physically and mentally. Physically my knees and hips were getting much worse. Mentally I was still unable to rid myself of my anxiety. Anxiety that was slowly creeping into my world of horses. Some days I could hardly mount up paralyzed with fear. On those days we would go for a walk. We had some amazing walks. Walks were i could unclip her and she would jog behind me and over small logs. Walks into the middle of the woods getting myself lost and using her wonderful direction of home to get out. Some days I had no fear at all, on those days we would go faster and further than I have ever gone before. We still have our good days and bad days. Sometimes I still can’t get in the saddle and we just go for our walk. Sometimes when I physically can’t ride or walk far ill set myself up in her paddock with a book. Just knowing that she is there near me did more for me than i can even begin to put into words.

My black box that filled me with anxiety and fear since I was young had gotten little bit lighter. All because of this little horse. I was happy and at peace when I was with her. I found I could see further than just the next day when I was working her. She would always be there for me tomorrow, unchanged and just herself, just the way I loved her.

She Just Was

I had that same dream again a few nights ago, its what inspired me to write this story. What i remembered most about this dream though, was the blackness didn’t seem so complete and the relief when the horse appeared wasn’t as great. Its funny what happens when life becomes both greater and larger than your dreams. But just as before this dream before I awoke I slipped back into the dark box. Im not sure for how much longer im going to be able to have this little horse. It is playing havoc with my mind just the thought of having to give her up. Seven months ago the death of my best friend couldn’t bring me to tears. Now all it takes is the thought of having to give up this amazing little horse. She has opened up old hidden wounds. But perhaps it is following the pattern of that dream, who knows were tomorrow will take me.

All I know is my life wouldn’t be half of what it is now if this little mare hadn’t pranced her way into my life six months ago. Even if she does have to go tomorrow or ten years down the track. I wont ever forget how much she has taught me, just by being herself. The same forgiving strong willed little mare I have grown to love more than I believed was possible.

She reminded me how to cry that sometimes in the right company it is ok to show your emotions. She showed me how to be vulnerable again. Not to be afraid that someone is going to take advantage of it. She showed me how I need to have some faith in myself and trust in others. Slowly she is helping me commit instead of running away. But most of all she reminded me how to love. Love when all I wanted to do was push everything and everyone away to protect myself. Because for some reason no matter how much I pushed her away she stayed just the same, there was no running or hiding from her. She just was.
She Just Was
She Just Was
She Just Was
She Just Was
How To Tell if Your Horse is Trying To Kill You ‘He wouldn’t hurt a fly’, you say? Check again. That swishing tail attached to your darling’s perfect bottom is actually a weapon of mass destruction. Don’t believe me? Just take a look at the corpses of all his defenceless fly-victims lying in the dirt. If they’re not there, he’s probably moved them to his secret trophy room already, next to the couch s . . .
 
 
Cross Country 101 - Part One In this article, I will be explaining to you how best to ride your cross country course between the fences. Keep your eyes peeled for part two, which will look more closely at how to ride each individual type of fence. In cross country, one of the biggest challenges is always trying to get inside the time, so it makes sense that one ought to ride at speed . . .
 
Retraining a Racehorse - Moonfire (Week 2) Before I begin, let me make something clear. These are my methods. Methods that have worked for me in the past as well as new methods that I have decided will work for Moony in the future. These methods might not work for every horse, in fact they probably won't, because Moony is uncharacteristically calm for a race horse, especially compared to those I have . . .
 
27 - 28 July Eventing Show - Part One I had two mounts at this show: My own horse, Finola, doing her first 90cm event, and a client’s horse, Pride, in her second event at 70cm. Pride is a five year old mare, Appaloosa cross Warmblood, who I have been training for a few months. She was coming from her first event months earlier with a leading dressage score, but two stops out in the country. . . .
 
Life Lessons Learned From Horses Carrot ownership laws. 1. If it belongs to your rider, it is yours. 2. If your rider wants to give it to another horse, it is yours. 3. If it is in a bucket, it is yours. 4. If you like buckets, that is yours, too. 5. If there is another horse's head in the bucket - that is also yours. Remove it to ensure that the carrot remains yours. 6. If it is hidd . . .
 
18 - 19 September Dam 'n Dyke Horse Show Finding myself sick once again, it was with a distinct lack of energy and enthusiasm that I awoke (or should I say – I grudgingly woke up after much encouragement.) at 05:30 AM on Saturday 18 September 2010. In between coughs and sneezes, I managed to get ready for the show. It took a while, but I finally managed to drag myself to the car so that we could dr . . .
 
Trick Training - Teach Your Horse to Kiss When asking your horse to kiss, always be aware that horses are big animals, and to have a horse’s head anywhere near your face can be dangerous. Always be ready to back away in case he moves his head too suddenly. And, most importantly, watch your nose! If you’re not careful, your horse might think you have a carrot sticking out of your face, and turn you i . . .
 
Crocs For Horses - Know What Legwear Your Horse Needs Have you ever gone horse boot shopping, walked into the tack store, and found yourself bombarded by so many different kinds of boots that you’re just about ready to run for your life and put your poor horse in Crocs instead? Well, if not, then you’re clearly not doing your boot shopping right! Either way, read on, because this is the article for you. When . . .
 
Against All Odds - The Story of Bronze - Part 3 I looked into his gentle brown eyes, and I knew that I had found my horse. Or rather, I suppose, that he had found me. This was my first meeting with Bronze. My mother was besotted with him from the second she saw him, so we hurried to Alfie’s office to ask who the stallion was. The gorgeous stallion was... Nobody. He was 4 years old, unbacked and unnamed . . .
 
Young Horse Dictionary In this article, I will providing definitions for what our commands mean to the young horses we’re trying to train. This article is for entertainment purposes only. What you say: "Bad horse." What he hears: "Excellent work today, my valiant steed! You’ve carried out all my instructions perfectly! I simply cannot wait to do all this again tomorrow! . . .
 
 
Terms & Conditions     Privacy     About Us     Contact Us     Moderators
Ponybox LLC  All Rights Reserved 2002 - 2014