I know I've been mia for quite a long, long time now- and I apologize for that. The past seven months have been quite hectic and full of stress, frustration, and sadness. I don't have much else to say besides that, so I suppose I should get right to the point.
In March of this year, I was diagnosed with a blood disorder called ITP. Therefore, my immune system destroys my platelets, so my blood is unable to clot. We have tried treatment after treatment, from pills to infusions, with weekly blood draws and frequent hospital stays. Just last week I had my spleen removed in the hopes that that would put an end to all of this.
I am so, so tired of fighting this. It's gotten to the point where it feels as if each day physically hurts. This was when everything was supposed to start getting better, I had promised myself that. But it was on Tuesday when I was told that the very surgery I had only a few days prior had not been successful and had failed. I was, and still am, absolutely devastated. I kept asking myself, "Why me?"
Today my doctor told me that unless we are able to find something that works, which is increasingly unlikely, I won't ever ride again. With this low of a platelet count, mind you, I haven't even been allowed to go to school or be home by myself. It's already been seven months that I haven't been able to ride my boy, and I feel so hopeless that this is the end.
I am in no way trying to put all of my problems and fears onto all of you, and I'm not trying to dig for sympathy. It was just something I needed to get off my chest and share with others who share the same passion for horses as I do.
My question is, has anyone else had to stop riding for a long period of time/forever? How did you cope with it?
Thank you all, even if you didn't read my entire story. I thank all of you for being the community I suppose I grew up on, and shared quite a lot of my life with.
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I had 6 months off after a fracture and a slipped bone in my spine, I spent a lot of time drawing but I was also lucky enough to visit the yard.
Probably not helpful but I would like to say you are in my thoughts, I really hope things work out for you some way, even if it is a small step at a time! *hugs*
I have never been allowed to ride but I partially understand what you are going through, loosing something that is a part of you. Please, at least try to promise me this, 'Keep fighting until the line goes dead'
Even if you don't have riding anymore you still have something to fight for, there is always something worth fighting for. Don't give up just yet! There is still a possibility that something will come along, and if it does grab it, beacause after all that fighting you have done you deserve it, deserve a break.
Hi dollface, I have missed you something crazy. I was just going through our old forum posts. :c
I am so sorry and I know how hard things can be when you have a physical limitation that keeps you from being able to do the things you love.
I coped by talking about horses, pouring myself into horse art, into this site, talking about horses, window shopping for tack, surrounding myself in everything horse, do what you love as much as your body is able to. Don't push it, but never stop fighting. Science is amazing, and I am not sure what you have tried medication/treatment wise, but I hope there is something that will work for you, even if it is just trials!
Stay safe and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
B a n n e r ; that sounds so painful! I've been able to visit and see him on occasion, but only if someone else gets him into the barn and I'm wearing my helmet at all times. It's so difficult because there were some weeks, especially during the summer when my counts were high enough that I could ride, but it's never consistent :c
EliteFireEquestrian ; yes, it's really quite tough in that way. I've been riding since I was about six, and I can't imagine not ever having the ability to ride again. I wasn't ever really planning on going into a career involving horses and I didn't know what I was going to do with my boy when I went to college but it all seems to be ending so soon. Thanks for your kind words, I'm not giving up just yet *hugs*
a r i s t a ; aggh, I've missed you hun! At this stage I'm finding it quite difficult to look at anything horse related without feeling down and hopeless. I know I should go visit my horse any time I'm allowed to, but it feels like I'm just confusing him and getting my hopes up. I've tried steroids, three kinda of infusions, and countless immunosuppressants. It seems that at this point, since my spleen was removed and that hasn't changed anything, that my platelets are being filtered out by my liver (I think), and that organ can't be removed. The problem with this disorder is that sometimes, for no reason at all, it just goes away- in a couple months or a couple years who knows. That's the problem with immune related disorders I guess. They don't make much sense.