Put A Sock In It!
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Have you ever had a sock go missing? Have you come across that little, lonely, lost sock in your drawer, and never been able to find its partner? Well, I don’t doubt that you have – since this has been a problem faced by all sock-wearers since the beginning of Sockstory. It is a problem that baffles even the best of us – but finally, there may be a solution! Read on to find out how to solve the infamous ‘Solo Sock Sickness’.
The first step is to properly understand your socks. Put yourself in their shoes (Be sure not to use riding boots – they have been known to hurt sockless feet) and think about how they feel. If your day-to-day life was to be stepped on, walked all over, and positively trampled by the master who dictated your every action – would you not also run away from home? Your socks feel the same! So if you want to keep your socks underfoot, you need to try to keep them happy.
First off is the ever-terrible ‘Arranged Sockage’. Why should you get to pick your sock’s partner? Why should a sock have to spend its life with another simply because they look the same? In the sock’s eyes, this is unfair. True love blossoms from the sole – so let your sock choose its own partner, and you’ll be well on the way to winning your sock’s loyalty.
Still – socks don’t always succeed in matching themselves up. Should this be the case, your sock will trust you to select the best partner for it. When doing this, please carefully consider the following:
Will your sock feel comfortable with its partner? Recent studies have shown that socks generally feel intimidated by partners much longer, shorter, thicker, thinner, softer or coarser than they are. As such, you should try to find your sock a partner of equal length and the same material.
Is your sock’s partner too similar? As mentioned before, matching a sock with its identical twin seldom works, as this is wrong – very wrong. There are precious few socks who will stand for this sort of matchmaking, and as we all know, a sock that refuses to stand can be extremely dangerous – especially on slippery floors. So unless you want a rather bruised bottom, remember not to wear two socks exactly the same. Try a blue and red, or stripes and spots! Be creative – your socks will appreciate this.
Your socks are trusting your matchmaking skills. If you know that your fashion sense is horrible (I am a prime example here) seek professional help, rather than deal with dissatisfied socks.
Do you feel like you understand your socks’ feelings a little more now? If not – I encourage you to go through your drawer and stroke each of your socks to find out how it feels. You may want to record your findings, since most sockable materials tend to feel somewhat similar, and it is often difficult to keep track of the texture of each sock.
Now that we have covered the vast area of correct and incorrect sockage, let us go on to Sock-health.
Socks would appreciate it if you keep your toenails short. This is for two main reasons:
Long toenails are revolting, and your socks will be ashamed to be seen with you if you don’t take the time to prune your feet every once in a while. Long toenails can be terribly hazardous to sock health! Yes – toenails can even cause ‘Holey Sock Syndrome’ – a terrible disease that causes socks to wear away in the toes. This is terribly painful, and your sock will not thank you for it! In fact, some braver socks have even been known to sacrifice themselves in order to expose their wearer’s toe at a valiant attempt at revenge! That’s right – expose your socks to Holey Sock Syndrome, and they’ll expose you to cold feet!
So, if you want good, obedient socks that won’t slip, trip and nip you – then follow these guidelines, and respect your socks!
Don’t agree? |
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BME Sports
Good lord! ROFL (literally) XD
Good lord! ROFL (literally) XD
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57 days ago
• 3,948 views
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Simplicity
That is really funny well done
That is really funny well done
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57 days ago
• 3,929 views
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JogRunJog
Ha ha that's so funny, you have talent!
Ha ha that's so funny, you have talent!
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56 days ago
• 4,138 views
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Weber98
HILARIOUS! So random! Just like me! Awesome article! LOL (literally)
HILARIOUS! So random! Just like me! Awesome article! LOL (literally)
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54 days ago
• 3,949 views
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Spaztastic
Hahaha. too funny xD
Hahaha. too funny xD
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54 days ago
• 3,939 views
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Candy99
wow that was funny lol (no sarcasm included)
wow that was funny lol (no sarcasm included)
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53 days ago
• 3,949 views
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Lil Booger
hahaha!!! LUV THIS!!!! but my dear Polo you also forgot another health hazard!!! "stinky feet syndrom" our socks do not like it when you wear them more than once! not only does it case Holey Sock Syndrom but also they must suffer the trechuouse oder of our feet. the least we can do is wash them regularly. )
hahaha!!! LUV THIS!!!! but my dear Polo you also forgot another health hazard!!! "stinky feet syndrom" our socks do not like it when you wear them more than once! not only does it case Holey Sock Syndrom but also they must suffer the trechuouse oder of our feet. the least we can do is wash them regularly. )
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51 days ago
• 4,229 views
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Weber98
So hilarious. I will consider my treatment of socks. lol
So hilarious. I will consider my treatment of socks. lol
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45 days ago
• 3,949 views
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Spaztastic
My socks say to say thanks. But, they still like having their own mates.
My socks say to say thanks. But, they still like having their own mates.
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43 days ago
• 3,939 views
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Mutley Jackson
What ARE you going on about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????????????????
What ARE you going on about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????????????????????????
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43 days ago
• 3,930 views
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BlackThorns
Haha! I love this!
My socks really appreciate you. :)
Haha! I love this!
My socks really appreciate you. :)
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39 days ago
• 4,027 views
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Estella Noire
I'm now laughing my socks off!
I'm now laughing my socks off!
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39 days ago
• 3,936 views
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37 days ago
• 3,928 views
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Madeirey
This article knocked my socks off!!!! LOL!!!!
This article knocked my socks off!!!! LOL!!!!
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Aug 22, 2011
• 3,931 views
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Aug 8, 2013
• 3,240 views
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