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The Nature of the Not-So-Sane Show Rider
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   19th Jan 2012   •   8,118 views   •   30 comments
Anybody who has done showing must know that you can’t be completely sane to choose to wake up at 4AM, and work for a good three hours getting your horse to look its best for a few boring minutes, just so that somebody else can judge it. There is absolutely no chance that it is worth all the effort – but we do it anyway, because every show rider wants to be better than every other show rider. The following are some common behaviours of these fascinating people.
 
1. When your friends complain about getting up at 6AM for school, you scoff and walk away.
2. Your horse has more make-up than you do.
3. Your horse eats better than you do.
4. You are absolutely, completely convinced that judges were spawned on another planet and sent to earth for the sole purpose of ruining your life.
5. You judge your dog’s conformation.
6. If your horse gets a scratch, your mood will instantly become so terrifying that nobody will dare approach you for the rest of the day.

Horse Show

7. Every pair of pants you own has plaiting bands in the pocket.
8. You end up making up a new language by the time your tenth plaiting band breaks...
9. Mud is your worst enemy.
10. Your horse has a set of $200 tail extensions, but your own hair is full of hay.
11. You think that quick-drying hoof polish is the best thing since BEFORE sliced bread!
12. If your horse slobbers green gob all over your clean jacket, you shoot invisible laser beams from your eyes.
13. Your show jacket is professionally dry-cleaned on a regular basis, but your school blazer is tossed into the washing machine...
14. You understand the true purpose of Mr. Min better than anybody else.
15. You have an unhealthy obsession with baby wipes.
16. If your horse doesn’t win, regardless of the reason, it is the judge’s fault – and you vow that one day they will suffer for their mistake.
17. If you could, you’d wrap your entire horse in cotton wool.
18. You polish your tack every day, but there are cobwebs in your bedroom.
19. You have, at one stage, suffered a complete mental breakdown upon finding your clean horse all poo- and grass-stained the morning before a show.
20. Your horse’s shampoo is more expensive than yours. Sometimes you run out, and use it for yourself...

Horse Show
Horse News More In This Category:  Shows and Events      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
FreeRein  
BEST ARTICLE EVER.

I absolutely love the cartoon at the end. And all of these are true! Haha. I use Mane & Tail shampoo sometimes to give my hair a fancy shine... it works too. 0.o
  Jan 19, 2012  •  5,289 views
 
Dark Star  
Show sheen works wonders on your hair too. haha.

SO TRUE!!! At one show, I was warming Archie up for halter, and he stepped on my boot, making me face plant into a mud puddle. -_- If looks could kill, the whole area would've been annihilated. haha.
  Jan 19, 2012  •  4,578 views
 
Cowzers  
Lovely article as usual ! :)

But so true, so so true.
  Jan 19, 2012  •  4,620 views
 
Raquel S  
So So true, down to a T.

And free Rain you are not the only one, when I had blonde in my hair i used to occasionally wash it with the horses Glo- white shampoo aha.
  Jan 19, 2012  •  5,434 views
 
Cruisin Past Curfew  
Lol XD I love this!

I can definatly relate to #1! Everyone at my school complains that they wake up at five! Heck! I wake up at 4 o'clock everyday!!! Two and three also. And I used to do number 5 when I was younger XD Number 12, definatly XD Also number 20. On number six, you better watch out!!!
  Jan 19, 2012  •  4,583 views
 
Madeirey  
*starts so giggle* Oh Polo... I just LOVE your articles... *giggles harder* You should become a artist. That cartoon ROCKS! *laughs uncontrolabley and has a stroke*
  Jan 19, 2012  •  4,578 views
 
Painted Destiny  
Love it! Even though I've never shown, I so see myself doing these if I could show (Not to say I don't do some of them anyways ^^) The cartoon is too cute!
  Jan 20, 2012  •  4,914 views
 
Equinest  
I love 18 and 20! this artical is so funny :D and true :)
  Jan 20, 2012  •  4,936 views
 
Polo the Weirdo  MOD 
Really glad to hear that you all enjoyed it!!! ^_^ Sorry I didn't reply to everybody - laziness is a curse... :P
  Jan 20, 2012  •  4,915 views
 
Hikari  
Hahaha its scary how true that is :L
  Jan 20, 2012  •  4,926 views
 
BarrelRacersLove  
Number nineteen really is true! xP I always hate cleaning Rowdey so he is white-ish as he can be. Dx
  Jan 20, 2012  •  4,909 views
 
Emmurr  
I've never actually showed, but this made me laugh my butt off xD
  Jan 20, 2012  •  4,920 views
 
ImaCoolCowgirl  
Gah...your style of writting is hysterical!! It reminds me so much of my uncle's....you both are incredibly talented and extremely funny. I can't wait to read more by you!! I hope someday you'll be writting for horse Magizines in the US :)
  Jan 20, 2012  •  5,611 views
 
Whispyy  
This is AMAZING! lol, I already relate to alot of this and i don't even have a horse.. yet! **Wonders what i will be like when i get on** Thank you polo!! *hugs*
  Jan 20, 2012  •  5,647 views
 
SatanicWhispers  
omg soooo true, reading all of them im like yes i have done that!!!! what is a pain though is when banding, just easier to put them in your mouth is when you take a drink and dont have all the bands strategically placeed between your cheek and teeth O.o i so miss the good old days of showing.... i miss the good old days with horses as it is... but so awesome i agree!
  Jan 20, 2012  •  5,694 views
 
All That Jazz  
Haha! Love it. :)
  Jan 20, 2012  •  5,657 views
 
Americano Freedom Stables  
When you tell your boyfriend that you can not hang out friday or saturday because you need to groom your horse and have a show but they are welcome to muck stalls for you :)

love this :D
  Jan 20, 2012  •  5,744 views
 
weezapony  
Oh, Polo, you sure know how to make people laugh! XD Great article!
  Jan 21, 2012  •  5,629 views
 
abb77  
great cartoon!
,7,8,1,9 is soo me lol
  Jan 21, 2012  •  5,638 views
 
Moose  
I found this hilarious and completely, no doubt true! This is one reason why I stopped liking State 4H Horse Shows, because of frantic, dust collecting, obsessive, compulsive people like the ones you described in this article.

Well done with the article though, I love the illustration at the bottom. So realistic. Hahaha
  Jan 21, 2012  •  5,622 views
 
Double Spur Ranch  
Probably the most truest thing in the whole world even though I do western showing it is so true! haha love this article!
  Jan 22, 2012  •  5,627 views
 
BarrelRacer1300  
Best article ever great job
  Jan 22, 2012  •  5,653 views
 
Free Spirit Farm  
Hahahaha! Thats pretty true! My sister sometimes uses show sheen to untangle her hair and my pony has more brushes, what-nots, and do-dids then me!
  Jan 27, 2012  •  5,743 views
 
abb77  
18 all the way !
  Feb 4, 2012  •  5,641 views
 
Raychel  
Hahaha, love this :)
  Feb 4, 2012  •  4,650 views
 
Diddy  
LOL.

Love thiss :3

Agreed 100000000000000000000000000%!
  Feb 8, 2012  •  4,531 views
 
Spaztastic  
I love this article. xD xD xD
  Feb 9, 2012  •  4,417 views
 
Deleted Accounts  
ah this is so good, i am a really girly horse rider so quite a lot off those are not true for me but it was fun reading it and i know somebody who does generally fit every single one:D
  Feb 15, 2012  •  4,402 views
 
Laugh and Ride  
These are all so true!!!
  Apr 7, 2012  •  4,589 views
 
Vaulter101  
So true! What does 6am have against 4? )
  Feb 15, 2013  •  4,546 views
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