The Nature of the Crazy Eventer
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   26th Jan 2012   •   8,766 views   •   27 comments
Horse Eventing

Those of you who event, or know somebody who events, will surely agree with me when I say that the sport defies all logic. It’s like trying to take a convertible around a 4X4 track, or going skydiving using a plastic packet as a parachute. It is completely nonsensical, no matter how you look at it. You break your bank account and put in HOURS of hard work just to risk your life galloping at breakneck speed toward a number of solid obstacles designed specifically to separate you from your steed. Yet I, and I’m sure you can say the same, would not give it up for the world. My point, of course, is that it takes a certain sort of person to become an event rider. A special person – because nobody normal, with working logic and a sound mind, would choose such a senseless sport.

This proves my hypothesis: The event rider is crazy. End of story. And this article serves to share the strange quirks of one such crazy eventer. These are the moments of insanity that we event riders go through on a daily basis. Don’t deny it – I know I’m not the only one!
1. When you’re on a road trip, you don’t play ‘I Spy’ – you have competitions to see who can spot the most jumpable objects. This leads to spirited debates about whether or not the object is jumpable, most of which tend to end with, "Well, pull over, and I’ll prove it!"

2. Nobody likes to go to restaurants with you, because as soon as you arrive, you arrange the chairs into the appropriate position beside the table, point at it, and declare loud and proud: "I jumped something like that!"

3. You have been known to sit down and sulk for hours when somebody refuses to donate the old bench they’re not using, for you to jump.

4. Whenever you see people of the appropriate size, you walk over and ask them how tall they are. If the answer is satisfactory, you laugh smugly, point at them, and say, "Ha! I jumped over you!" If they are not within your jumping range, you sulk for the remainder of the day – then, when you get to the stables, it’s time to set a new personal highest jump record.

Horse Eventing

5. When your friends complain about their respective sports injuries (Y’know, rugby, netball, chess... All those deadly things!) you laugh unsympathetically, tell the horror story of your latest fall, and proudly flaunt the battle scars earned from it.

6. You can’t walk down a staircase without thinking about drop jumps.

7. Before you sit down at any benches or picnic tables, you feel the need to walk around them, measuring them thoroughly to determine whether or not you would jump them.

8. Fences are not built to keep things in or out. They are built for you to jump – no exceptions.

9. Whenever you see a ditch, you MUST climb into it –regardless of the embarrassment of anybody accompanying you – and explain how you jumped over something like this at your last event. Eventually they will get tired of your bragging and walk away, leaving you to realize that climbing out of a ditch is nowhere near as easily as climbing into it.

10. You have swum in a water jump before.

11. You lean forward and cluck at your car when driving up hills.

12. You get excited when you find a shop that sells tape in your cross country colours. This can lead to squealing loudly and jumping up and down in public.

13. You have no idea who Tom Cruise is, but you could write a book about all you know about Mark Todd.

14. When your friends are showing off their Prada handbags (Or is Prada shoes? Or makeup? I forget...) you’re waving around your awesome new eventing boots.

15. When you’re wearing your skull cap, you insist on headbutting trees just to prove how utterly unbreakable it is.

16. When wearing your body protector, you keep nagging everybody to punch you. They will inevitably end up landing a punch somewhere you’re not protected – usually the shoulder, though the face is also a common target, depending on how annoyed the one you’ve nagged is.

17. Before your cross country, you dream your way around the course a thousand times. Afterwards, you talk about it 999 times, until somebody shoves a sock in your mouth to keep you from reaching 1000.

18. You believe that any problem can be solved by baling twine.

19. You tend to mock showing riders mercilessly.

20. Everywhere you go, you’re known as "That crazy horse chick" (Or ‘Dude', depending on gender.)
Horse News More In This Category:  Shows and Events      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
Cruisin Past Curfew  
I do number five, fourteen, and nineteen a lot! And I am called the "Crazy horse girl" everywhere I go!
  Jan 26, 2012  •  4,986 views
Number 11: story of my life. I don't actually drive but when I want someone to move (in a car or not!) I instinctively cluck...I get some pretty weird looks! XD
  Jan 26, 2012  •  5,645 views
When I read 'Jumped over' I said it with a Scottish/norweigan accent, and I have no clue why.

Nice article by the way! :D
  Jan 26, 2012  •  4,986 views
17 18 all the way
  Jan 26, 2012  •  5,405 views
Number 18... SO TRUE! :D Hahaha!
  Jan 26, 2012  •  5,378 views
Painted Destiny  
Love this! Especially the cartoon. ^^
  Jan 26, 2012  •  5,378 views
You mean there is a problem that can't be solved with baling twine? XD Awesome Article:)
  Jan 27, 2012  •  5,405 views
Run Free  
will there be a crazy showjumper :D,hunter :), dressage rider :(((((( etc. Note:I'm the showjumper and I DESPISE dressage with a passion
  Jan 27, 2012  •  5,830 views
Heart of Splashes  
Ahahaha Love this :)
  Jan 27, 2012  •  6,031 views
Wanderin Boy Memorial  

I love it when you do these kinds of news post. It brightens up the mood :)
  Jan 27, 2012  •  6,061 views
Free Spirit Farm  
I wish I could swim in a water jump!
  Jan 27, 2012  •  6,062 views
I do 5,6, 10, 12, 15, 16, 17 and 19 xD

And when riding Phoebe, defianatly NOT sane in any way :P
  Jan 28, 2012  •  6,148 views
Double Spur Ranch  
This is so funny haha! I love it :)
  Jan 28, 2012  •  6,039 views
Hopeful Haven  
Funny! Thanks for this!
  Jan 28, 2012  •  6,079 views
Awesome as usual! Loved it Polo!
  Jan 28, 2012  •  6,026 views
Polo the Weirdo  MOD 
So glad you guys all enjoyed it! :D I want to do showjumper and dressage rider articles, but I'm struggling to find ideas that differ enough from eventing and showing, since the disciplines have a lot of similarities... :P I'll keep thinking on it, though. :) In the mean time, how about some likes, guys? XD
  Jan 29, 2012  •  6,033 views
Folie A Deux  
Or when you're on a motorbike, you put your heels down, cluck, and hang on to the person's shirt that's in front of you like reins. xD
  Jan 29, 2012  •  6,026 views
Sam I Am  
hahaha I do #1,5,6,8,9,10,12,15,16, and 20!
  Jan 30, 2012  •  6,197 views
RoyalCrownEstates  MOD 
had a good laugh lol, Great reading !
  Jan 30, 2012  •  6,062 views
Valkyrie  MOD 
Best article I've read in a long time XD

Yay Mark Todd!
  Jan 31, 2012  •  6,027 views
LOVE this! Hahahaha
  Feb 3, 2012  •  6,052 views
Haha I LOVE this article! I will always look forward to your articles they make me laugh!
  Feb 5, 2012  •  6,035 views
13-19 are awesome. xD
  Feb 9, 2012  •  6,062 views
Run Free  
oh and don't forget eventers rarley use their breaks .. wait do event horses have breaks ?
  Feb 12, 2012  •  6,114 views
Run Free  
3, 9, 6, 12, 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 19 and 20 describe me perfectly. My Teachers always ask me ' did you and your pony do anything exciting' on Mondays and regret it when I give the story of how we spent so long trying to do this and then this happened and that happened and we ended up doing it. Heheh poor teachers, and for 11 I can't drive but I shift my weight to my inside leg on turns and leading up to jumping competitions I have been seen doing my jumping position over speed bumps
  Oct 3, 2012  •  4,554 views
Run Free  
3, 9, 6, 12, 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 19 and 20 describe me perfectly. My Teachers always ask me ' did you and your pony do anything exciting' on Mondays and regret it when I give the story of how we spent so long trying to do this and then this happened and that happened and we ended up doing it. Heheh poor teachers, and for 11 I can't drive but I shift my weight to my inside leg on turns and leading up to jumping competitions I have been seen doing my jumping position over speed bumps
  Oct 3, 2012  •  4,554 views
I also cluck and make kissy noises at my dog when i am running him to try to get him to go faster- just like i would do with a horse......
I also tell him WHOA
  Mar 27, 2013  •  4,454 views
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