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Life Lessons Learned From Horses
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   2nd Feb 2012   •   34,092 views   •   31 comments
Life Lessons Learned From Horses

Lesson 1
What to do when faced by a WWMD (Winged Weapon of Mass Destruction. AKA, a bird.)

Step 1: When WWMD enters line of sight, stop abruptly, regardless of the speed you were travelling at. Stretch your eyes as wide as they can go, and snort loudly.

Did the problem resolve itself? If no - read on.

Step 2: Stop breathing. If you're really, really quiet - maybe it won't see you, and you'll live to see another day...

Step 3: Consider the size of the WWMD compared to your own size. If the WWMD is less than 10% of your size, it is probably an atom bomb disguised in beaks and feathers. Begin to panic.

Step 4: Take a few steps forward. Repeat step 1. Take a few more steps. Repeat step 1. Step carefully past the WWMD...

Step 5: Abruptly resume original pace, and commence 'thinking about food'.

Lesson 2
What to do when your rider wants to go straight, and you want to go through the gate toward home...

Step 1: Grab bit in teeth, and swerve off track.

Step 2: Ignore rider's attempts to turn back to the right.

Step 3: Repeat step 2 multiple times.

Step 4: If rider attempts to turn to the left, obey. This sneaky form of rebellion means that you can get your own way without being naughty.

Step 5: ... "Dude... I just walked back the way I came..."

Step 6: You have been tricked by your rider again. Misbehave for the remainder of the ride out of spite.

Lesson 3
The Boot Dance.
"You lift your right hoof up, you put your right hoof down, you strike your right hoof out, and you kick it all about. Wait for the next boot and you turn around - that's what it's all about!"

Lesson 4
Guidelines to surviving an alien invasion. (There is a blanket on what before was strictly blanket-free ground.)

Step 1: Walk calmly up to alien life form.

Step 2: Take notice of alien life form. Leap unexpectedly 10 feet into the air.

Step 3: Snort loudly, boggle eyes, and dart backwards.

Step 4: Repeat step 3 several times.

Step 5: Cautiously approach alien life form. Place one hoof on foreign substance.

Step 6: Repeat step 3 several times.

Step 7: Leap over unsuspecting alien life form. HAHA! Take that, fool!

Lesson 5:
Carrot ownership laws.
1. If it belongs to your rider, it is yours.
2. If your rider wants to give it to another horse, it is yours.
3. If it is in a bucket, it is yours.
4. If you like buckets, that is yours, too.
5. If there is another horse's head in the bucket - that is also yours. Remove it to ensure that the carrot remains yours.
6. If it is hidden, it is yours.
7. If the other horses want it, it is DEFINITELY yours.
8. If you had it first, it is yours.
9. If you did not have it first, it is yours.
10. If it is yours, it is mine.
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
C e n t u r y P r i d e  
This is really interesting its like im inside of a horses head :)
  Feb 2, 2012  •  6,004 views
 
weezapony  
Derby has read this guide. I know it.
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,975 views
 
ImaCoolCowgirl  
Hehe I love it!!
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,970 views
 
Painted Destiny  
I love this! Especially the bird and carrot parts xD The carrot part reminds me so much of Poncho! Well, all of them do, but mainly anything having to do with treats.
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,982 views
 
SunlightRider  
:D !!! Loved it! Original and funny
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,563 views
 
Moose  
Hahahah! I laughed out loud almost the whole way through. This is SO true. I'm sure that Sophie has read this guide and shared it with our other horses.... =P
  Feb 3, 2012  •  6,000 views
 
BarrelRacersLove  
I almost peed my pants reading this. Remind my never to read a hilarious article before making my way to.the bathroom.
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,399 views
 
Spaztastic  
Awesome xD
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,711 views
 
Deleted Accounts  
aw the carrot part reminds me so much of haze and kimba at my yard:D their constantly fighting over them
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,706 views
 
Hikari  
Why did you let Phoebe read this? WHY? Especially lesson 2?

I thought we were friends until you showed my horse these ideas D:
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,890 views
 
RedSugarJumper16  
Haha I laughed in the middle of class when I read this! It's so true!
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,839 views
 
Madeirey  
Polo! You almost killed me from because I laughed to much! Hahahahaa!!
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,677 views
 
ArabianBariq  
So hilarious!!! Lol When i was little i made up a song about what my horses are thinking lol
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,679 views
 
Que Sara  
Hilarious!!! Not laughed like that for so long. Thanks!
  Feb 3, 2012  •  5,692 views
 
abb77  
i agree, amoureuxdechevaux ! :)
  Feb 3, 2012  •  6,129 views
 
MoonBeam  
Hahaha fantastic! Where do you get these ideas from?
  Feb 4, 2012  •  6,350 views
 
Weber98  
lol... I put this on Pegasus and everyone loved it! :D
  Feb 4, 2012  •  6,649 views
 
Carpe Diem  
Dude. This is awesome.
Another great and random but totally awesome article by Polo!
  Feb 4, 2012  •  6,356 views
 
Run Free  
oh i think the carrot ownership laws also apply to turnips, hay, oats, pony mix, grass, plants out on hacks, plants in the fields and anything that looks edible. LOVE the artical though all apply to my pony
  Feb 6, 2012  •  6,401 views
 
MySweetButterfly  
Awesomely funny! XD
  Feb 13, 2012  •  6,323 views
 
Deep as Rhubarb  
Louis (the gelding I take lessons on) also considers colorful balls to be weapons of mass destruction... One time my sister was throwing a ball for the dogs while I was riding and he did NOT like that one bit... XD
  Feb 19, 2012  •  6,332 views
 
DunArab  
lol so true! great article :)
  Feb 20, 2012  •  6,516 views
 
Bright Horizon  
Gave me a good laugh! Nice one, Polo. :)
  Feb 21, 2012  •  6,366 views
 
SMFponies  
OMG trying to stop laughing XD
  Feb 25, 2012  •  6,351 views
 
Rusted Faith  
Brilliant! You have a true gift for writing (:
  Mar 2, 2012  •  5,114 views
 
Crz4Horses  
GAHHH!!! you are so right about the birds....I live in a wetlandey area of the country so we get horribly pre-histoirc looking cranes that were obviously send from H-E-double hockeysticks to scare the living daylights out of our horses...so frustrating:P
  Mar 10, 2012  •  5,322 views
 
Laugh and Ride  
Love this! I could totally see Windsor thinking this and he does exactly that for the alien attack. Minus the going over part :p
  Apr 7, 2012  •  5,286 views
 
RoyalCrownEstates  MOD 
I really enjoyed reading this. very nice!
  May 17, 2012  •  5,110 views
 
Foxchase Farm  
Love it! So funny and true :)
  45 days ago  •  5,143 views
 
demonstorm  
i couldn't stop laughing after lesson 5 especially at the end 'if it is yours,it is mine' and i think same rules apply for every animal in my household but thanks for the good laugh
  59 days ago  •  4,764 views
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