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Three Secret Steps To Foolproof Your Horse
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What is ‘foolproofing’, you ask? Well, in simple terms, foolproofing is much the same as waterproofing, except with fools. So instead of making a horse resistant to water (you’ll need a rain sheet for that), it involves making a horse resistant to, well, fools.
Before we begin learning the complex art of foolproofing, however, let us look at a few important definitions:
“fool, n. a dish made of fruit, esp. gooseberries, stewed and crushed with cream.”
That sounds delicious. That being the case, I certainly would not take kindly to being ‘foolproofed’ if I were a horse. Who can resist such creamy fruity goodness?
Perhaps, for this article, we ought to refer to the alternative definition for a ‘fool’.
“fool, n. a person without common sense or judgment; a silly person; a person who rides without a helmet.”
Now that seems more like it. After all, it is far more common for a horse to be laden with silly people than with gooseberries and cream. Even so, the question remains, why foolproof your horse? Or better yet, how?
Do not fret, dear readers, for I have the answer. Read on, and you will soon find out.
Foolproofing is a task so impossibly difficult that it often evades even the most brilliant minds of our time! You see, in order to foolproof a horse, a person must endure incomprehensible suffering, and take on tasks so impossibly difficult that they’ll have you sweating from the head. Needless to say, foolproofing is not for the weak hearted, so if you’re the type who is sensitive to descriptions of gratuitous agony, then I suggest you look away now, for the secret of foolproofing is about to follow, in three short steps.
1. Prepare head for unbearable torture.
2. Place riding helmet on head. Defy tears of agony.
3. Fasten strap. Await Apocalypse.
That, dear readers, sums up the deadly task of foolproofing. Never has anything been so dangerous, so horrible, so completely and utterly mindbogglingly awful! It may seem harsh, but you see, to foolproof a horse is simply impossible.
Consider the concept of waterproofing: When water lands on your waterproof horse, it slides off, lands on the ground and splatters. So, to revisit the concept of foolproofing, when a fool lands on your foolproof horse, well... You see the problem.
So, to summarize my teachings, foolproofing is not, in fact, the art of making a horse fool resistant, but rather of eliminating the ‘fool’ altogether.
The elimination of a fool can best be explained with a simple equation:
Fool + Helmet = Non-Fool (AKA Rider with skull intact.)
Don’t be a fool. Wear a helmet, because no matter how ‘foolproof’ your horse may be, always remember that: “Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool”.
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PonyBox
 MOD online
Very well done, so funny!
Very well done, so funny!
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Apr 12, 2013
• 6,371 views
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IggyPogo
Perfectly lovely, hilarious, and drives home a point so often disregarded. As usual, well done!
Perfectly lovely, hilarious, and drives home a point so often disregarded. As usual, well done!
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Apr 12, 2013
• 5,947 views
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Polo the Weirdo
MOD
Really glad you guys enjoyed it. :) One of my better articles, in my opinion. :P
Really glad you guys enjoyed it. :) One of my better articles, in my opinion. :P
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Apr 12, 2013
• 6,209 views
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PonyBox
MOD online
Very well done Polo! Loved it :)
Very well done Polo! Loved it :)
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Apr 14, 2013
• 6,838 views
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Winniefield Park
Having landed on my head, both with and without a helmet I can tell you it's much better with a helmet. Unless of course you want your brain to look like gooseberry fool. Of course you may not actually be a fool, but your horse might. So I agree whole-heartedly (and thankfully whole-brainedly). Wear a helmet, every ride.
Having landed on my head, both with and without a helmet I can tell you it's much better with a helmet. Unless of course you want your brain to look like gooseberry fool. Of course you may not actually be a fool, but your horse might. So I agree whole-heartedly (and thankfully whole-brainedly). Wear a helmet, every ride.
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Apr 20, 2013
• 6,019 views
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Esmeralda Elites
As a child (technically at 16 1/2 I'm still a child) I used to think wearing a helmet while riding showed the world how scared of my horse I was, but now I wear one when I ride english because my TB is a fool.
As a child (technically at 16 1/2 I'm still a child) I used to think wearing a helmet while riding showed the world how scared of my horse I was, but now I wear one when I ride english because my TB is a fool.
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May 3, 2013
• 5,789 views
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