Three Secret Steps To Foolproof Your Horse
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   12th Apr 2013   •   5,235 views   •   6 comments
How to Foolproof Your Horse

What is ‘foolproofing’, you ask? Well, in simple terms, foolproofing is much the same as waterproofing, except with fools. So instead of making a horse resistant to water (you’ll need a rain sheet for that), it involves making a horse resistant to, well, fools.

Before we begin learning the complex art of foolproofing, however, let us look at a few important definitions:

“fool, n. a dish made of fruit, esp. gooseberries, stewed and crushed with cream.”

How to Foolproof Your Horse

That sounds delicious. That being the case, I certainly would not take kindly to being ‘foolproofed’ if I were a horse. Who can resist such creamy fruity goodness?

Perhaps, for this article, we ought to refer to the alternative definition for a ‘fool’.

“fool, n. a person without common sense or judgment; a silly person; a person who rides without a helmet.”

Now that seems more like it. After all, it is far more common for a horse to be laden with silly people than with gooseberries and cream. Even so, the question remains, why foolproof your horse? Or better yet, how?

Do not fret, dear readers, for I have the answer. Read on, and you will soon find out.

Foolproofing is a task so impossibly difficult that it often evades even the most brilliant minds of our time! You see, in order to foolproof a horse, a person must endure incomprehensible suffering, and take on tasks so impossibly difficult that they’ll have you sweating from the head. Needless to say, foolproofing is not for the weak hearted, so if you’re the type who is sensitive to descriptions of gratuitous agony, then I suggest you look away now, for the secret of foolproofing is about to follow, in three short steps.


Prepare head for unbearable torture.


Place riding helmet on head. Defy tears of agony.


Fasten strap. Await Apocalypse.

How to Foolproof Your Horse

That, dear readers, sums up the deadly task of foolproofing. Never has anything been so dangerous, so horrible, so completely and utterly mindbogglingly awful! It may seem harsh, but you see, to foolproof a horse is simply impossible.

Consider the concept of waterproofing: When water lands on your waterproof horse, it slides off, lands on the ground and splatters. So, to revisit the concept of foolproofing, when a fool lands on your foolproof horse, well... You see the problem.

So, to summarize my teachings, foolproofing is not, in fact, the art of making a horse fool resistant, but rather of eliminating the ‘fool’ altogether.

The elimination of a fool can best be explained with a simple equation:

Fool + Helmet = Non-Fool (AKA Rider with skull intact.)

Don’t be a fool. Wear a helmet, because no matter how ‘foolproof’ your horse may be, always remember that: “Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool”.

How to Foolproof Your Horse
Horse News More In This Category:  Horse Training      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
PonyBox  MOD online
Very well done, so funny!
  Apr 12, 2013  •  6,371 views
Perfectly lovely, hilarious, and drives home a point so often disregarded. As usual, well done!
  Apr 12, 2013  •  5,947 views
Polo the Weirdo  MOD 
Really glad you guys enjoyed it. :) One of my better articles, in my opinion. :P
  Apr 12, 2013  •  6,209 views
PonyBox  MOD online
Very well done Polo! Loved it :)
  Apr 14, 2013  •  6,838 views
Winniefield Park  
Having landed on my head, both with and without a helmet I can tell you it's much better with a helmet. Unless of course you want your brain to look like gooseberry fool. Of course you may not actually be a fool, but your horse might. So I agree whole-heartedly (and thankfully whole-brainedly). Wear a helmet, every ride.
  Apr 20, 2013  •  6,019 views
Esmeralda Elites  
As a child (technically at 16 1/2 I'm still a child) I used to think wearing a helmet while riding showed the world how scared of my horse I was, but now I wear one when I ride english because my TB is a fool.
  May 3, 2013  •  5,789 views
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
The Equine Ten Commandments of Inconvenience
27th Nov 2020   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
If you are lucky enough to afford an extremely expensive imported horse, it will spook at its own fart in the quarantine paddock and immediately sustain a career-ending injury. ...
The Best Rider Gadgets That Actually Work - Part II
19th Sep 2020   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Welcome to part 2 in our quest of finding the best gadgets and gimmicks that can actually help you to improve your riding! Put your body where it should be, and let your brain figure out how to keep it there. You’ll have that perf ...
The Best Rider Gadgets That Actually Work - Part I
30th Aug 2020   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Do you always find yourself riding with toes like a ballerina? Do you stare into your own lap as if the secrets of the universe are stitched into the crotch of your joddies? Do you ride with shoulders that would make the Hunchback ...
The Good Side of Equestrian Gadgets
16th Aug 2020   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Gadgets often get a poor reputation in the equestrian world due to their misuse on equine athletes often resulting in harmful or abusive conditions. The debate on whether or not gadgets (like side reins, etc.) ought to be used on ...
400 Horses Killed Each Month Due to COVID Lockdown
17th May 2020   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
The elongated shutdown of racing brings with it many great consequences, many of which are already beginning to show as owners, breeders and trainers alike are forced to begin euthanasia of horses they can no longer afford to keep ...
Why Equestrians Relate to Tiger King
23rd Apr 2020   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
With the Covid-19 pandemic sweeping the globe, people the world over are doing exactly what one would expect modern man to do in a time of great crisis. They are binge-watching eccentric Netflix documentaries. The specific documen ...
How to Stay Sane During Lockdown - A Guide for Equestrians
11th Apr 2020   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
With our current global pandemic, many equestrians the world over are suddenly being forced to face a horseless reality as entire nations enter lockdown. It is a miserable and testing time, but equestrians are tough. We’re gonna m ...
Equestrian In Lockdown
5th Apr 2020   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
On the first day of lockdown, most of us sat in our homes. Silent, shellshocked, looking through old pictures of our horses and trying to come to terms with the fact that we had to be without them for 3 whole weeks. Worrying about ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
©2002 - 2023   PonyBox LLC Create Account Advertise Terms Privacy Contact Us
1,107 Members Online 271,943 Registered Members 3,267 News Articles 14,962,080 Unique News Article Views 357,424,178 Website Views