Still Burning - Chapter Eleven - Falling Down
 By Moose   •   7th May 2013   •   2,217 views   •   10 comments
Horse Story - Still Burning

“No,” Jane said out loud. “No. No. No. He’s alright,” she said louder, more frantic and desperate. The doctor looked at her with grief, shaking his head softly and sincerely. “You’re lying, he’s alive. He’s okay...”

“I’m very sorry.” He said, turning away and giving her space. The man dressed in blue left her standing in the hallway and her parents watched.

“NO! He’s okay, he’s okay!” she shouted at him, sending a shock of pain to her head. Her mother seized Jane and began stroking her head gently. “No, no, no...” she ripped herself from her mother’s grip.

Her wide eyes filled with tears, her heart began to pound, she shook her head and collapsed to the ground. “He’s okay...” she murmured. Jane screamed out in pure sorrow. But sorrow could not even begin to describe the pain taking over her heart as she sat on the hospital floor. She was filled with unimaginable, unthinkable grief and anger and had no way of escape or relief. There was no way to get away from the pain. She pounded her fists against the cold linoleum floor and leaned back and forth with sobs that wracked her entire helpless body. She shook her head over and over again. From the tips of her fingers her body broke into a trembling, frantic shiver. She cried out again, releasing only the smallest percent of the pain that filled her.

She felt gentle arms around her waist, attempting to comfort her. But no one could even begin to console her. Nothing in this world could take away from the excruciating pain that ripped and stabbed and jerked at her. Jane threw fists at her mother and sobbed in uncontrollable violence. “Get away from me!” she shrieked, her voice barely recognizable. What her mother heard was not the daughter that she knew. Something different had taken over her and caused her to lose control. “Just LEAVE ME HERE!” she cried out hysterically. Her headache grew, the back of her head began to throb even more. Her face was a mess of tears her voice was barely distinguishable through the sobs. “I want to die... Please just let me die.”

To go back in time and stop the semi from hitting his truck, to go back in time and stall him just a few seconds and save his life by just facing her father, to go back in time and take back every horrible thing she ever said to him, to spend just another second with him, Jane would die for it. She let her mind slip away. She thought about every second of her life she would spend without Andrew by her side. Every second of her life she would spend with this hole in her heart that no one could replace. The place Andrew belonged. Jane would never feel the safety of his arms around her, the gentleness of his voice in her ear, the sight of his heart-warming, comforting smile, the last thing she saw of him. Never again would she know the great happiness of being in his company. She would never feel those butterflies that filled her every time he looked at her, every time they touched, every time he said her name, and every time she heard his voice. She would never know where their lives would have gone together, what could have been. But what killed her most was the thought of living without him… for the rest of her life.

Andrew had once told her that he would always here for her. He made a promise to her. She thought she would never lose him, and just the thought of losing him made the back of her throat swell up. But where was he now? Now when she needed him most? Now when she was falling apart, looking for answers, looking for help, crying out in grief? He was supposed to hold her and tell her everything would be alright just like he did but will never do again. He wasn’t here comforting her. Even just looking into his eyes could heal her brokenness, just hearing his voice again could make her heart sing.

“Amazing.” she heard herself say. It was a flashback, only a figment of her imagination. But she felt as if she was reliving it. It was so real to her... She could almost feel the cool, midnight breeze on her bare legs. She remembered the small sigh Andrew had made when he looked away shyly.

“Can you sing too?” She asked him. Jane could feel Andrew's knee against hers.

“A bit,” Andrew replied. Jane felt the neck of the guitar resting against her thigh.

“Promise me you’ll sing for me someday.” There it was, the sound of Andrew's laughter... She remembered it so vividly, the way he smiled down at the guitar and his whole body shook. She could feel it. The swing was rocking back and forth in such a gentle rhythm. It was so perfect...

“Sure, someday,” he promised her. Jane could see Andrew's eyes and the way he looked at her in that moment, as if he had no idea this would happen. As if he had no idea he would be leaving her...

Jane swallowed hard, sat up, and opened her eyes. “Please,” her voice cracked and became a whimper. “I’m not ready for you to go... Please.” She cried out so quietly that it could break the heart of anyone who heard her. Her voice was so broken and pathetic and full of pure sorrow. “Please...” She said again until her voice faded into a murmur of indistinguishable cries and whisperings of the same word over and over and over again. How could this be happening? She asked herself.

She clenched her jaw and squeezed her eyes shut as she clawed at her legs, digging her nails into her skin and letting go when she couldn’t take it any longer.

"Wait there," Jane heard Andrew's voice and pictured him standing and climbing up to her window. She could feel her heart beat faster just like it did then. The breeze blew a small piece of blonde hair into her eyes and she swept it away with butterflies in her stomach. He returned, bringing a smile to her lips. She remembered how carefully he spread the blanket over her and then himself, all the while with that small, smug grin on his face. Jane felt new tears swelling in her eyes. She yearned to wake up from the flashback, but she just wanted to hear him say it again...

Jane closed her eyes and could almost feel his warm body next to hers. Then she felt the tickle of his deep, devouring voice in her ear, "Goodnight Jane," he whispered. "Goodnight Andrew," she said out loud.

Jane fell apart once again. She couldn't hold it in any longer. Not one of her mother’s attempts to comfort her would do any good. There was nothing they could do but watch her destroy herself in grief. Elise and Will watched every second of heart wrenching, heart breaking sorrow their daughter went through because they knew, deep down, that the only person who could comfort her was Andrew.

They asked themselves why. Why would such a horrible, cruel thing happen to such an undeserving, innocent boy and girl? How could something that they wouldn’t wish upon their worst enemy come upon their own daughter? Jane’s only source of happiness, her tiny glimpse of light, her joy had been taken from her. And it just wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to watch such a beautiful, strong hearted, believing, passionate young woman get dragged through such a hideous tragedy.

Her mother broke into tears, seeing her daughter in such pain made her own heart break. What parent could stand to watch such an appalling thing? She held her hand over her mouth and let tears trickle down her cheeks. Her heart was breaking on the inside, and when she couldn’t stand another second of watching Jane rock back and forth, crying erratically, she went to one of the nurses. It was her last resort, but it was the only thing that could help Jane at the time.

She closed her eyes and let another memory seep into the cracks of her mind. This time, the memory was conflicting, tugging at her heart in a way that she did not like.

“Please, just look at me,” he said, tipping her chin towards him. Jane looked him in the eyes and saw that sadness again. “It was stupid, what I said, and I didn’t mean one word of it. I’m so sorry. I promise you, I will always be here for you.”

Jane felt that tugging at her heart, bringing new tears to her eyes. She could see it in his eyes too, he meant what he said. Jane couldn’t take another second of looking in his eyes and seeing such pain. She opened her arms and slid down from the tree. Andrew caught her in his arms and held her tight. Finally. It felt so good to hold her, completely forgiven. Jane remembered that feeling. She wanted to replay it over and over and over again.

Jane held the back of Andrew’s neck and took in the feeling of just holding him. Andrew felt so alive. She felt on top of the world. This was where she belonged, in his arms, where she fit just right.

“Andrew,” Jane whispered as she pulled away and he set her down. “I love you.”

Andrew smiled. Jane knew exactly what he said next and just the thought made her heart beat faster.... “I love you too, Jane.”

Jane couldn’t bear all of the pain at once. She wanted to give up, give in, and stop caring, but she couldn’t. Her body wouldn’t let her. Her chest burned with an indescribable pain, her head ached from the stress of crying, and her arm suddenly hurt, like a needle or thin knife was stabbing into her skin, digging into her vein and sending a tingling up to her shoulders.

Jane watched the nurse’s face become blurry and indistinguishable. Her head began to pound with the rhythm of her fast beating heart. She thought she heard the nurse saying something like, "Take a deep breath," or "Relax, Jane," but she couldn't remember. She began to see darkness seep in from the corners of her eyes, bleeding into her vision and blocking everything else. The sound of the phones ringing, the beeping of machinery, the chatter of doctors and patients became more and more distant until at last she heard nothing.
Foxchase Farm  
Omg, noooo! Andrew! Ah, please write the next chapter soon! I can't handle this suspense!
  May 7, 2013  •  2,900 views
I am going to come eat you. I shall put this simply for you. ANDREW IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE DEAD. end of story. Thank you.
  May 7, 2013  •  2,929 views
I want to NOT thank you for making me cry. ._. It was rude.
  May 8, 2013  •  2,549 views
...and it was only just a dream...? Please?
  May 8, 2013  •  2,977 views
Sapphire Flames  
Oh I seriously going to have to go through with my threat? I don't want to have to stop talking to you moose!!! lol
  May 8, 2013  •  2,966 views
Nope he is NOT dead!! He cant be!!! OMG, and if he is..... There will be revenge...
  May 9, 2013  •  2,458 views
you have to be kidding. please tell me your kidding.
  May 9, 2013  •  2,508 views
So. Sad. I'm. gonna. cry.
Poor Andrew. :'(
  May 9, 2013  •  2,881 views
Ok, if Andrew has died, I'm going to go into Hibernation.
Why make me so sad? :(

  May 9, 2013  •  2,702 views
Ok, if Andrew has died, I'm going to go into Hibernation.
Why make me so sad? :(

  May 9, 2013  •  2,654 views
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