The Eventers Dictionary - Part 1
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   21st Sep 2013   •   4,204 views   •   0 comments
The Eventers Dictionary

Since the beginning of time, there has always been a certain communication barrier between horses and humans, mostly due to our unfortunate inability to learn to speak their language. This dictionary serves to break down that barrier by proving riders with a translation for what their commands mean to the equine mind. Or, more specifically, to the event horse’s mind. Eventers, after all, are certainly one of a kind.

Related Article: The Eventers Dictionary - Part 2
Related Article: Why I Regret Giving my Eventer a Holiday
Related Article: How to Ride a Dressage Test - The Eventer’s Version

Loading your eventer:
What you say: “Stand still and let me put your trucking boots on.”
What he hears: “I want you to jump around as much as you possibly can. Oh, and make sure to spook at these boots and shred your legs on the horsebox ramp. Do it now, or I swear I’ll put the boots on you!”

What you say: “Right, time for the tail guard. Don’t kick me.”
What he hears: “I want to practice my ninja skills to get my mind nice and sharp for the cross country. Give me as many kicks as you can fit into a minute!”

The Eventers Dictionary

What you say: “Get in the box, for God’s sake! You’ve been in here a million times.”
What he hears: “I know it looks the same, but Dude, this box is different. It must be an alien time machine! Better run for it; take this lead rein and drag me to safety!”

Unloading your eventer:
What you say: “Slowly, now. Don’t fall off the ramp.”
What he hears: “Warp speed, my valiant steed! Time to practice your reverse drops off the side of the ramp.”

What you say: “Okay, I’m taking the boots off now. Stay still this time. I mean it!”
What he hears: “You did such a good job with your reverse drop that I’m taking these boots off. You go ahead and do a nice little dance to celebrate – don’t forget to bang into that ramp for sound effects!”

Mounting your eventer:
What you say: “STAND!”
What he hears: “Wait until my foot is in the stirrup... Good... Now FULL SPEED! Cross country time, woohoo!”

The Eventers Dictionary
Horse News More In This Category:  Shows and Events      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
The Equine Ten Commandments of Inconvenience
27th Nov 2020   |   Shows and Events   |   Polo the Weirdo
If you are lucky enough to afford an extremely expensive imported horse, it will spook at its own fart in the quarantine paddock and immediately sustain a career-ending injury. ...
The Best Rider Gadgets That Actually Work - Part II
19th Sep 2020   |   Shows and Events   |   Polo the Weirdo
Welcome to part 2 in our quest of finding the best gadgets and gimmicks that can actually help you to improve your riding! Put your body where it should be, and let your brain figure out how to keep it there. You’ll have that perf ...
The Best Rider Gadgets That Actually Work - Part I
30th Aug 2020   |   Shows and Events   |   Polo the Weirdo
Do you always find yourself riding with toes like a ballerina? Do you stare into your own lap as if the secrets of the universe are stitched into the crotch of your joddies? Do you ride with shoulders that would make the Hunchback ...
The Good Side of Equestrian Gadgets
16th Aug 2020   |   Shows and Events   |   Polo the Weirdo
Gadgets often get a poor reputation in the equestrian world due to their misuse on equine athletes often resulting in harmful or abusive conditions. The debate on whether or not gadgets (like side reins, etc.) ought to be used on ...
400 Horses Killed Each Month Due to COVID Lockdown
17th May 2020   |   Shows and Events   |   Polo the Weirdo
The elongated shutdown of racing brings with it many great consequences, many of which are already beginning to show as owners, breeders and trainers alike are forced to begin euthanasia of horses they can no longer afford to keep ...
Why Equestrians Relate to Tiger King
23rd Apr 2020   |   Shows and Events   |   Polo the Weirdo
With the Covid-19 pandemic sweeping the globe, people the world over are doing exactly what one would expect modern man to do in a time of great crisis. They are binge-watching eccentric Netflix documentaries. The specific documen ...
How to Stay Sane During Lockdown - A Guide for Equestrians
11th Apr 2020   |   Shows and Events   |   Polo the Weirdo
With our current global pandemic, many equestrians the world over are suddenly being forced to face a horseless reality as entire nations enter lockdown. It is a miserable and testing time, but equestrians are tough. We’re gonna m ...
Equestrian In Lockdown
5th Apr 2020   |   Shows and Events   |   Polo the Weirdo
On the first day of lockdown, most of us sat in our homes. Silent, shellshocked, looking through old pictures of our horses and trying to come to terms with the fact that we had to be without them for 3 whole weeks. Worrying about ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
©2002 - 2024   PonyBox LLC Create Account Advertise Terms Privacy Contact Us
381 Members Online 272,058 Registered Members 3,268 News Articles 15,134,883 Unique News Article Views 361,436,727 Website Views