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The Eventers Dictionary - Part 1
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   21st Sep 2013   •   3,155 views   •   0 comments
The Eventers Dictionary

Since the beginning of time, there has always been a certain communication barrier between horses and humans, mostly due to our unfortunate inability to learn to speak their language. This dictionary serves to break down that barrier by proving riders with a translation for what their commands mean to the equine mind. Or, more specifically, to the event horse’s mind. Eventers, after all, are certainly one of a kind.

Related Article: The Eventers Dictionary - Part 2
Related Article: Why I Regret Giving my Eventer a Holiday
Related Article: How to Ride a Dressage Test - The Eventer’s Version

Loading your eventer:
What you say: “Stand still and let me put your trucking boots on.”
What he hears: “I want you to jump around as much as you possibly can. Oh, and make sure to spook at these boots and shred your legs on the horsebox ramp. Do it now, or I swear I’ll put the boots on you!”

What you say: “Right, time for the tail guard. Don’t kick me.”
What he hears: “I want to practice my ninja skills to get my mind nice and sharp for the cross country. Give me as many kicks as you can fit into a minute!”

The Eventers Dictionary

What you say: “Get in the box, for God’s sake! You’ve been in here a million times.”
What he hears: “I know it looks the same, but Dude, this box is different. It must be an alien time machine! Better run for it; take this lead rein and drag me to safety!”

Unloading your eventer:
What you say: “Slowly, now. Don’t fall off the ramp.”
What he hears: “Warp speed, my valiant steed! Time to practice your reverse drops off the side of the ramp.”

What you say: “Okay, I’m taking the boots off now. Stay still this time. I mean it!”
What he hears: “You did such a good job with your reverse drop that I’m taking these boots off. You go ahead and do a nice little dance to celebrate – don’t forget to bang into that ramp for sound effects!”

Mounting your eventer:
What you say: “STAND!”
What he hears: “Wait until my foot is in the stirrup... Good... Now FULL SPEED! Cross country time, woohoo!”

The Eventers Dictionary
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