Items

Forums
Llamanitis Epidemic Hits the Equine World Without Mercy
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   20th Jan 2014   •   4,056 views   •   2 comments
Llamanitis Epidemic Hits the Equine World Without Mercy

Llamanitis is a very common and frustrating disease often found in horses and ponies of all shapes and sizes (Most often school ponies, mares, or particularly flamboyant geldings). It has been known to be contagious, and recently I have noticed the epidemic beginning to spread.

In the Polonese dictionary, Llamanitis is defined as follows:
“inflammation of sensitive layers of ego inside the brain in horses and other animals. It is particularly prevalent in mares or otherwise obstinate equines, and can cause extreme llamaness.”

In layman’s terms, llamanitis is a condition which gives your beautifully schooled little dressage horse or your well mannered reining pony the ability to spontaneously morph into a llama. A grumpy, moody, obstinate, spitting llama; not the cool kind.

Related: The Eventers Dictionary
Related: Young Horse Dictionary

Common symptoms of llamanitis include a neck so ‘ewey’ it’s grosser than Justin Bieber, a nose so high in the air that it defies the laws of Physics, two floppy ears that are in constant danger of poking out a rider’s eyes, and a hollow back that results in the most delightful, choppy stride that could not win a dressage test against a peg-legged parrot with an eyepatch.

Llamanitis Epidemic Hits the Equine World Without Mercy

Generally, llamanitis is a condition that remains dormant, but it can be triggered by a number of things:

1. The sight of dressage letters. Obviously.

2. A failure by the rider to produce appropriate food bribery before riding.

3. The presence of any kind of whip. Or spurs. Or legs. Any aids at all, really.

4. Food.

5. Absence of food.

6. The invisible monsters that live in the arena.

7. Ironically, seeing a llama. Or cows, sheep, goats, particularly small horses... Actually, seeing any animal at all is likely to bring out the llama in a llamanitic horse.

8. An excess of dweebitude.

As of now, there is no known cure for llamanitis. You can try bribery with carrots, but that is a stall at best. For now, all we can do is raise awareness, in the hopes that our fellow horse owners and riders are prepared for the time when llamanitis begins to spread even to the most polite of steeds.
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
GoodMorning  
Oh, I think my mare is a sufferer.
  Jan 20, 2014  •  4,327 views
 
Shadowcat  
Love it!!
  Jan 21, 2014  •  4,338 views
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
Baby Horse Diaries - If Baby Horses Could Name Things
28th Sep 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
If you’ve ever owned, trained, or otherwise interacted with a baby horse, you will know that sometimes they just seem to see the world differently to us. Whether it’s the shallow rain puddle that’s clearly hiding sharks, or the in ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Sass Levels Reach All Time High
7th Jul 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
This is not fake news. Our sources have confirmed that Baby Niro displayed excessively high levels of sass recently when being ridden in the arena after a week off work. Witnesses report high levels of head tossing and neck flicki ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Starter Kit
16th Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
So you just bought yourself a baby horse? I bet you’re wondering what you’ll need to help you in this new chapter of your life! Well never fear, Baby Horse Diaries is here to answer all of your questions. To create your own Baby H ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Playtime (AKA the Hunger Games)
9th Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses, like most babies, are curious, energetic and playful beings that constantly seek out new means of entertainment. In fact, one of the most fun things about having a baby horse is all the wonderful new games that you ge ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Energy Levels
3rd Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Here is my top 10 SECRET list of master plans for dealing with excess energy in horses. ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Baby Horses Are Stupid
26th May 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses are really neat. When you get them they are stupid. You know they’re stupid, any rational human being can expect them to be stupid, and they don’t know they’re stupid because they don’t know anything. Because they’re s ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Meet The Babies
19th May 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Today I would like to introduce the stars of our series, VanRee De Niro (Baby Niro), and Little Miss Sunshine (Baby Sunny). ...
Baby Horse Diaries Introduction
12th May 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Some of you might remember that about 8 years ago I created a series on Ponybox documenting my progress in retraining a young Thoroughbred racehorse, Moonfire, for his eventing career. Those of you who continued to follow my (admi ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
 
©2002 - 2019   PonyBox LLC Create Account Terms & Conditions Privacy Contact Us
474 Members Online 253,433 Registered Members 2,618 News Articles 11,083,529 Unique News Article Views 259,213,403 Website Views