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Why I'm Jealous of My Horse
 By Winniefield Park   •   25th Mar 2014   •   2,233 views   •   0 comments
Why Im Jealous of My Horse

I don't like to complain, but there are a few things that make me jealous of my horse. I probably wouldn't want to be a horse, but if I were, these things would make me happy.

Pedicures and New Shoes Every Six Weeks
I'll admit I have accumulated a lot of shoes over the years. However, I certainly don't get footwear every six weeks like my horse does. Nor do I get special pedicures, with three people scrutinizing angles and feeding me treats during the process. And, except for my riding boots, most of the shoes I buy come from the bargain bin, largely because my horse needs her shoes looked after every six weeks.

Someone To Shop For Me
One female stereotype that I don't understand is that everyone assumes women like shopping. Not true, because I certainly don't. I have a three store limit. So if I stop to get a coffee, then pick up a few groceries I have one store left before my I hate shopping meter hits overload. My horse though, has someone to shop for her. And, she's always quite satisfied with whatever is bought for her. She's never set hoof in a store. I'd be fine with that too.

I'd Never Have to Explain Why I Don't Like Chocolate
I just don't get chocolate. What is it about chocolate that makes it such a popular flavor? Judging from the TV commercials I see, women turn all dreamy and mushy when they eat chocolate. Chocolate is okay, but it doesn't make me go ga-ga and I'll pass over chocolate for some nice caramel any day. However, most people I tell that to think I'm nuts. How could I not like chocolate? If I were a horse, I wouldn't have to explain. If you're a horse, and you eat chocolate, you could test positive for illegal performance-enhancing drugs. And, the theobromine that causes the positive outcomes of drug tests can poison horses if they eat a large amount. My horse never has to explain.

I'd Look Great in a Halter
Okay, so I'm past that age where a halter is an appropriate piece of clothing, unless it's under a jacket or at the beach. I'm talking about a halter top of course, and whereas my horse will always look great in a halter, I won't.

I Wouldn't Care About Dust
Sometimes I think I live in the Addams Family's home. There're dust and cobwebs everywhere and funny noises in the walls that make my Jack Russell Terrier go nuts. If I were a horse, I wouldn't care about any of that. In fact, if I were a horse, I'd love dust! I'd roll in it! I'd revel in it! I'd believe when I was covered in it, that the flies wouldn't bite me and it would protect me from sunburn and the rain and that it made me a nicer color. And, after I've had a bath, I'd go roll in the dust, to let everyone know just what I thought of the procedure.

Someone Else Would Do My Hair
Who doesn't love having someone else brush their hair? How many people are willing to do that for you until their arm is ready to fall off? And, how many people are willing to do it just to see the dreamy look in your eye? Not many. But we do it for our horses. I'm totally jealous.
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