Items

Forums
How Horses Are Like Governments
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   30th Jan 2016   •   1,727 views   •   0 comments
How Horses Are Like Governments

In the words of the legendary Tenacious D, it must be noted that “the government totally sucks”. Of course, some governments are better than others, but in the end, every government, not matter how successful (or not) will be seen by its people as ‘sucking’ for some reason or other. This is because the connection between government actions and a decrease in personal finance or increase in rules is an easy one to make. It is strange, therefore, that people seem to find it exceedingly difficult to make the same connection with their horses. So here are ten reasons that your horses are like the government.

1. They increase your cost of living every year. Inflation means that the same money you had last year won’t buy you as much this year, especially when you’re trying to inflate your skinny horse by feeding inflating amounts of expensive food.

2. Everything out of your control that affects your daily life is their fault. You damaged your tire driving through a pot hole? How dare the government not fix the roads! Maintaining the city is basically their only job. That’s what you pay taxes for! You stain your new breeches falling into a mud puddle? Your horse shouldn’t have spooked at it! Maintaining your on-his-back-ness is basically his only job. That’s what you pay his feed bill for!

3. Every time a politician does something stupid, it’s all everyone talks about all week. Every time your horse does something stupid, it’s all anyone hears about. From you, anyway.

4. Horses are composed mainly of horse’s asses. Governments are also composed mainly of horse’s asses.

5. Horses are usually full of crap. So are governments.

6. Governments will exploit your every weakness, and use every opportunity to get away with mischief. Horses will exploit your weaknesses to get away with carrots (and, sure, mischief too most of the time).

7. Stating which political party you support in a public space is likely to lead to a lively (and potentially violent) debate. Stating which equestrian sport you support in an equestrian public space is likely to lead to a bloody battle and a poo fight.

8. Every mistake the government makes comes out of your pocket – the currency loses value, and so does your money. Every mistake your horse makes leaves you turning your pockets inside out to lick up the sugar cube crumbs for supper after you’ve smashed the piggy bank to pay his latest vet bill.

9. Both horses and politicians expect to have their bottoms appropriately smooched, and will punish you for failing to uphold this duty, be it legal ramifications or a hot blast of flatulence in your face.

10. At the end of the day, both are likely to leave you with an aching pain in your arse.

So if you’ve ever wondered what life looks like behind the doors of the White House, just take a look down the main stable aisle of about any riding school, and I feel that based on the above evidence, you’ll be able to draw an accurate analogy. Poop, chaos and money circling the drain.
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
Baby Horse Diaries - Baby Horses Are Like Underwear
10th Nov 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Yesterday, while dressing to go down to the stables and exercise the half-ton creatures that spend their lives trying to kill me, I got my foot stuck in a hole in my underwear that was definitely not supposed to be there. This mad ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Dont Hurt Me No More
19th Oct 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Since I have had my Baby Horses, Sunny and De Niro, I have had one fall off each, which is really not bad going through all the toddler tantrums! Honestly, I was feeling quite proud of myself. Until today. ...
Baby Horse Diaries - If Baby Horses Could Name Things
28th Sep 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
If you’ve ever owned, trained, or otherwise interacted with a baby horse, you will know that sometimes they just seem to see the world differently to us. Whether it’s the shallow rain puddle that’s clearly hiding sharks, or the in ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Sass Levels Reach All Time High
7th Jul 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
This is not fake news. Our sources have confirmed that Baby Niro displayed excessively high levels of sass recently when being ridden in the arena after a week off work. Witnesses report high levels of head tossing and neck flicki ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Starter Kit
16th Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
So you just bought yourself a baby horse? I bet you’re wondering what you’ll need to help you in this new chapter of your life! Well never fear, Baby Horse Diaries is here to answer all of your questions. To create your own Baby H ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Playtime (AKA the Hunger Games)
9th Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses, like most babies, are curious, energetic and playful beings that constantly seek out new means of entertainment. In fact, one of the most fun things about having a baby horse is all the wonderful new games that you ge ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Energy Levels
3rd Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Here is my top 10 SECRET list of master plans for dealing with excess energy in horses. ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Baby Horses Are Stupid
26th May 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses are really neat. When you get them they are stupid. You know they’re stupid, any rational human being can expect them to be stupid, and they don’t know they’re stupid because they don’t know anything. Because they’re s ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
 
©2002 - 2019   PonyBox LLC Create Account Terms & Conditions Privacy Contact Us
330 Members Online 256,275 Registered Members 2,640 News Articles 11,182,849 Unique News Article Views 263,271,338 Website Views