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How Horses Are Like Governments
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   30th Jan 2016   •   1,644 views   •   0 comments
How Horses Are Like Governments

In the words of the legendary Tenacious D, it must be noted that “the government totally sucks”. Of course, some governments are better than others, but in the end, every government, not matter how successful (or not) will be seen by its people as ‘sucking’ for some reason or other. This is because the connection between government actions and a decrease in personal finance or increase in rules is an easy one to make. It is strange, therefore, that people seem to find it exceedingly difficult to make the same connection with their horses. So here are ten reasons that your horses are like the government.

1. They increase your cost of living every year. Inflation means that the same money you had last year won’t buy you as much this year, especially when you’re trying to inflate your skinny horse by feeding inflating amounts of expensive food.

2. Everything out of your control that affects your daily life is their fault. You damaged your tire driving through a pot hole? How dare the government not fix the roads! Maintaining the city is basically their only job. That’s what you pay taxes for! You stain your new breeches falling into a mud puddle? Your horse shouldn’t have spooked at it! Maintaining your on-his-back-ness is basically his only job. That’s what you pay his feed bill for!

3. Every time a politician does something stupid, it’s all everyone talks about all week. Every time your horse does something stupid, it’s all anyone hears about. From you, anyway.

4. Horses are composed mainly of horse’s asses. Governments are also composed mainly of horse’s asses.

5. Horses are usually full of crap. So are governments.

6. Governments will exploit your every weakness, and use every opportunity to get away with mischief. Horses will exploit your weaknesses to get away with carrots (and, sure, mischief too most of the time).

7. Stating which political party you support in a public space is likely to lead to a lively (and potentially violent) debate. Stating which equestrian sport you support in an equestrian public space is likely to lead to a bloody battle and a poo fight.

8. Every mistake the government makes comes out of your pocket – the currency loses value, and so does your money. Every mistake your horse makes leaves you turning your pockets inside out to lick up the sugar cube crumbs for supper after you’ve smashed the piggy bank to pay his latest vet bill.

9. Both horses and politicians expect to have their bottoms appropriately smooched, and will punish you for failing to uphold this duty, be it legal ramifications or a hot blast of flatulence in your face.

10. At the end of the day, both are likely to leave you with an aching pain in your arse.

So if you’ve ever wondered what life looks like behind the doors of the White House, just take a look down the main stable aisle of about any riding school, and I feel that based on the above evidence, you’ll be able to draw an accurate analogy. Poop, chaos and money circling the drain.
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