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Things You Give Up When You Have Horses
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   7th Feb 2016   •   2,528 views   •   0 comments
Things You Give Up When You Have Horses

They say that nothing worth having comes easy, and that you have to make sacrifices to pursue your passion. I suppose it’s true, but I’m afraid I just really struggle to have sympathy for people who “have to” give up chocolate because they want to lose weight but they’re too lazy to get out of bed and go for a jog. When it comes to horses, however, the sacrifices are real, genuinely necessary, and unavoidable.

So, if you’re thinking of getting involved in horses and you’re wondering “what’s got to give”, hopefully the list below can shed some light on your dilemma.

1. Baths - A bath for a rider isn’t all clean water and pretty bubbles. Really you’re just wallowing in a puddle of your own (and your horse’s) filth. And even if you do manage to get yourself clean, you’ll only get dirty again the next day, so what is the point?

2. Nice clothes - Although old scrawny clothes can last around horses for years without getting stained or damaged, the laws of physics dictate that new clothes must and will attract every sharp or dirty object in the nearby vicinity.

Make up

3. Make up - Your foundation will turn into a mud mask. Your lip gloss will get bugs stuck to it. Often. And they do not taste good. Usually.

4. Perfume - No matter how pretty your perfume smells, “flower scented horse crap” is not a good scent on anybody.

Relationships

5. Relationships - Your horse is your boyfriend. You won’t have time for another on the side. But hey, at least you get to decide when it’s riding time, and he’s sure to pick you flowers, even if he eats them before you get a whiff.

Education

6. Education - If you can divide by four and add twos and ones to figure out your striding, that’s all you need. You certainly won’t have time to train your brain when you’re busy trying to train a horse. Why do you think so many riders don’t wear helmets? They haven’t trained their brains in so long, they’ve forgotten where they left the damn things.

7. Work - You won’t have time to work, either. And as pleasant as that sounds, it does mean that you’ll have to do an awful lot of fleeing from angry livery yard owners after you fail to pay your horse’s bill for the umpteenth time.

8. Hobbies - Forget about having other interests and becoming “interesting”. You’re the horse person. That is all you are. That is the only thing that will ever identify you.

9. Cleaning - The second you rip off your chaps, there will be sand and bits of poop all over the floor. What’s the point in cleaning if the dirt is just going to come back? It’s a vicious, time-wasting cycle. Besides, your house might as well smell like the barn. You don’t spend much time in it anyway.

Shopping

10. Shopping - You don’t have the money. Or the time. Or the friends. Or the desire. Unless it’s a tack store; then, knock yourself out.

11. Friends - The only ones who can fit into your lifestyle have hated you since you stole that Pessoa flysheet from them at the tack sale, or beat them in that big show, or bought the horse they wanted.

12. Everything - Dedicate your life to the horse. You want to come to the dark side. Search your feelings, Equestrian, you know it to be true...
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