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Top 15 Reasons To Eat Your Pony
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   1st Mar 2016   •   3,086 views   •   3 comments
Top 15 Reasons To Eat Your Pony

It has come to my attention that the horse world has recently been rendered irate by the decision of a Swiss girl to consume her show horse after its death. In light of this event and the subsequent uproar, I give you the top 15 reasons to eat your darling pony.

1. In my experience, threatening to turn your horse into a sausage results in a better performance in the ring.

2. Chewing on your horse’s ear can create a brilliant excuse to get a nose job.

3. It just seems such a waste to throw away all that exquisite horseflesh that you’ve spent so much time and money conditioning and fattening up.

4. You fed him. He should return the favour.

5. If your horse is cool, he probably likes beer, which means that if you buy him a few thousand six packs before you eat him, you’ll have delicious beer battered steak!

6. It makes more sense to eat a horse than a cow. They’re bigger, and have less horns to maul you with.

Horse Zombie

7. Maybe your horse wants you to eat him so he doesn’t have to worry about turning into a zombie? You didn’t think about that, did you? No. You only think about yourself.

8. Your horse gets to spend 80% of his life napping, eating, and chilling with his friends. You know you want that life. And since you are what you eat, well...

9. A horse’s buns are undeniably better looking than anything you’ll find at the local bakery. Crisper and juicier, too.

10. The majority of horses are chocolate coloured. So they will probably taste like chocolate.

11. Horses always eat a healthy vegan diet (unless you’re one of those jerks who thinks it’s funny to let them steal your ham sandwiches)

12. Most horses are free range. Especially if you forgot to bolt the stable door.

13. Your horse bites you. It’s about time you got revenge.

14. Some might take it as a sign of respect. “Oh, horse, I respect your body so much that I don’t want to see any of it go to waste!”

15. Eating your horse will protect him against things like maggots, or necrophiliac ponies.

Letting all that glorious horseflesh go to waste just seems like a huge missed steak...

In conclusion, there are many valid reasons to eat the glorified cow that you call your best friend. They may seem cute and fluffy, but really they’re just time-, money- and physical health-damaging steaks with four legs and a tail.
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
Winniefield Park  
I think I could eat a horse...but maybe not my horse. I was traumatized in childhood by having to eat critters I knew personally. I'm much more content hypocritically eating animals I don't have to look in the eye.
  Mar 13, 2016  •  2,628 views
 
Valhalla War Horses  
Reasons to NOT eat your horse:
There are a ton of products we use on our horses that can be harmful to humans. Go to any local tack store and check the back of any hoof care product. I bet you'll find one that says "not to be used on animals bred for human consumption." You have no idea what you're eating. Cattle and other meat animals are strickly regulated for human consumption.
  Mar 14, 2016  •  2,614 views
 
Blue Skyy
I'm never eating a horse I'm trying to go vegetarian but bacon and breaded pork streaks are so hard to give up and i can't give up jello
  Aug 15, 2016  •  1,897 views
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