If Horses Were Feminists
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   12th Jun 2016   •   4,067 views   •   13 comments
If Horses Were Feminists

Feminism is (in a nutshell) a movement striving for gender equality, to make women equal to men and undo all societal preconceptions about gender roles. People can get pretty touchy about their feminist or anti-feminist views, but as always, I’m not here to join the debate. I’m here to mock. So, I ask you - what if horses were feminists?

Basic rules of horse feminism:

1. Mares and geldings should be given equal riding time. It doesn’t matter if the gelding trots up to you and shoves his head into your bridle, and the mare gallops off across miles upon miles of mud and grass with her ears flat back and her tail swishing. If you don’t remove that gelding’s head from your mare’s pretty bridle and spend the next 6 hours chasing her, then you sir are a sexist pig.

2. No more stereotypes! It’s wildly offensive to assume that a mare will be more difficult than a gelding just because she’s a mare. Your gelding follows you around like a puppy because he’s weak. Your mare bites your ass every time you do up her girth because she is a strong, independent woman. And if you don’t respect her flat-eared ‘independence’, then you’re a sexist pig.

3. Mares can do sports just as well as geldings. If you’re offered a choice between one of two free dressage mounts: a small, badly put together thoroughbred mare or a perfectly conformed, top bred warmblood gelding, which would you choose? ...Yeah, I thought so. Sexist pig.

4. A mare’s opinions are just as important as a gelding’s. So if you show up the yard and he greets you with pricked ears expecting cuddles, but she turns her tail and tells you to shove off, then you’d better take a hike. And honestly, don’t even bother coming back. You’ll probably just do something sexist, you pig.

5. A mare and a gelding should have equal pay for the work they do. So if your mare is fatter than a dinosaur that just ate a whale and your gelding looks like he could play the role of Jack Skellington, you better not think of increasing his food or decreasing hers. And people reporting you to the SPCA is NOT a valid excuse, you sexist pig!

6. Mares and geldings should be allowed to wear the same tack, so you’d better slap that pink, Hello Kitty-themed saddle pad onto your gelding if you don’t want to be called a sexist pig (again).

7. Mares should never be objectified for advertising purposes. Those sale photos you have of your mare where her ears were actually forward for once because you shook a bag of carrots? Take them down. Selling a mare is sexist. You don’t own her. She owns you.

8. A mare should never be assumed to be less intelligent than a gelding. She knows what it means when you pick up the bridle. That’s why she runs away. Stupid gelding just bows to your will like the submissive dog he is. He doesn’t get those great dressage results and clear jumping rounds because he’s smart – smart is figuring out that if you bolt out of the dressage arena or stop at two jumps, you get to leave the show early and go home to take a nap. Calling your winning gelding ‘clever’ is just sexist. You pig.

If Horses Were Feminists

9. A mare should never be shamed for being easy. If she wants to flash her tail at every gelding in the yard, she has the right, and should not be judged for it. Not even if she chases the geldings around and rips strips of skin from their rumps when she finds out they’re unable to, uh, ‘perform’. She has every right to express her sexuality. Stop scolding her for skinning the geldings, you sexist pig.

10. Yes. All horses should be equal (but some horses should be more equal than others). And if you don’t believe that, well... must be a sexist pig.
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
Shimmer Shine Stables  
The topic of this article aside, and I have only skimmed through it, but I find two things that would get this deleted if it were a forum post. Pretty inappropriate topic for a children's game in general.
  Jun 12, 2016  •  4,446 views
Valkyrie   MOD 
You've actually entirely misused the term "feminism". A Feminist is someone who believes in equality of both genders through the granting and regulating of rights for women in political, social and economic areas.

You mean misandry here. Misandry is the hatred and contempt for men and prejudice against them.

Sadly, I wouldn't expect you to know this. A lot of people aren't educated to this and just jump straight on the "feminists are bad lol!" bandwagon.

Women died and were tortured to give you the right to live your own life, to vote, to own property, to marry whomever you please, earn a decent wage, work a full day, and have the ability to say these slanderous, uneducated, derogatory, crude, tasteless jokes.

I'm ashamed of you, I'm ashamed of admin for allowing this to be posted, and I'm ashamed of what a farce Feminism has become in the eyes of those they helped.

They suffered for our right to be ignorant, but it doesn't mean you should abuse the privilege.
  Jun 15, 2016  •  4,265 views
Bramble Wood Lodge  
Yet another poorly informed post from Polo.
I've stopped being surprised at this point.
  Jun 17, 2016  •  4,219 views
Inked Illusion  MOD 
How's this even appropriate for a children's game? I mean if you RP on the forums your characters can't even kiss, but this has a picture of a horse that's suppose to be a prostitute.
  Jul 17, 2016  •  3,904 views
Firefly Thoroughbreds  
Though I appreciate the intent for this article to be seen as comedy, I completely agree with Valkyrie.

True feminism is very different, and a lot more positive than this article portrays. It's something that should really be encouraged, and sadly this article seems to mock it.

Feminism is not a bunch of silly raging women, it is the result of years of social, political and economic inequality being directly addressed, with a very simple message; that both men and women should be equal- which I hardly see as a suitable topic to poke fun at.
  Jul 17, 2016  •  3,899 views
Grim Quarter Horse Farm
I absolutely loved it, I laughed so hard through it all!!! Other people need to stop getting so butt hurt about every little thing!!! It isn't inappropriate for little kids, nothing in this is inappropriate suggesting that they haven't already been exposed to!! And for all of you that are flipping out about this not being true feminism, this post is stressing that what society calls "feminism" isn't really feminism, this matter is real and women are getting big heads from this movement and think they are superior to men!! Just watch the news or popular women figures, their actions and words say it all. You all need to take a chill pill and relax!!!
  Jul 27, 2016  •  3,833 views
PM S u n l e s s   
I totally agree that this post was supposed to be completely satirical. She even says I'm not here to join the debate I'm here to mock, and honestly? Feminism in America (where I'm from) has stopped being about equal rights and become a campaign to allow women to be superior.
  Aug 10, 2016  •  3,748 views
Fox Crest Stables  
The language alone in this article is enough to make me cringe and roll my eyes. This is yet another tasteless, trashy and inappropriate post by this 'author' and I can't say I'm surprised. Everything written by this 'polo the weirdo' is immature and classless. Just disgusting once again. Way to set the bar high on this one.
  Sep 10, 2016  •  3,606 views
Wheal Rose Stables
I'm not entirely sure this is appropriate for a kid's website? Personally, I am a feminist, and I think you've got this all wrong. Feminism is promoting equal rights for everyone, both men and women, in all economic, social and political situations.
I'm not exactly sure that the language is appropriate and, honestly, feminism is an important and serious subject...
  Sep 11, 2016  •  3,597 views
Felix Equines XX
This article is disgusting, misinformed, offensive to the memory of true feminists (like my great great grandmother, who immigrated to America and was poisoned TWICE over fighting for her equal rights as a worker in the garment industry, or my grandmother, who had to fight to get her PhD and raise 4 children (one who was special needs) at a time when women were expected to stay in the kitchen and not get an education), and wholly inappropriate for a game like ponybox.

But then again, this article is coming from the same person who belittled and made light of the the death of a 17 year old girl and her horse, so I'm not surprised.

I'm honestly disgusted that after this repeated theme of inappropriateness, ignorance, disrespect, and crassness that is in every article of yours, that the Ponybox admin are allowing you to still post these.

Shame on Jeff and Deja for putting this on PB too.
  Sep 23, 2016  •  3,518 views
If I out this on the forum it would be removed.
Why is pb letting this stuff get posted! This is the second inappropriate article.
  Oct 11, 2016  •  3,406 views
Moon Lake Stables
This is inappropriate! It should be removed! It talks about treating horses equal, but it says really bad stuff about geldings. Geldings and mares are basically the same but can act different. That's the way horses are.
  Oct 26, 2020  •  1,015 views
Rose Stable
So not appropriate for a website that kids play on!
  Dec 2, 2021  •  623 views
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