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Overachieving Procrastinators
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We are the ones lurking in the shadows. Of our duvets. While we binge watch Youtube videos about funny animals, people getting hit in just the right spot, and how cheese is made. We are the protectors. Of notes laminated, so the tears can’t soak through. We are the self-saboteurs, the head-desk connection enthusiasts, the financers of energy drink companies. We are the Overachieving Procrastinators.
Fake studies that don’t really exist have shown that 85% of students are avid procrastinators. Procrastination is the art of choosing to do literally anything other than the thing you know you have to do. Sound familiar? Yeah, that’s right. The work you’re ignoring to read this article is still there. It’s not just gonna die if you don’t believe in it, unless your work involves combining Tinkerbell DNA with any future work you might have to do. In that case, aces to you. But we digress. The point is, students have been known to do anything to avoid doing work. And the more work you have to do, the more important your procrastination activities begin to seem. Some of my most bizarre procrastination activities include:
1. Giving my horse a makeover.
2. Serenading my cat.
3. Browsing horses for sale online, with no intention of buying.
4. Photoshopping pictures of my barn buddies into visual puns of their names.
5. Researching how to determine the sex of a leopard gecko.
 Horse Makeover
Now, don’t misunderstand. I binge-watch series and chat to friends, and do all the normal procrastination activities that all of you do too. But when your procrastination art becomes as developed as mine, traditional procrastination activities just no longer cut it. They are reduced to pre-procrastinatory procrastinations. Basically, in binge-watching I procrastinate procrastinating. I have to finish my pre-procrastinatory procrastinating before I can begin procrastinating for the work I actually have to do. This is a very important part of my process.
But, eventually, even the most procrastinatory of us must finish procrastinating. This is where life becomes a tornado of yuck for the overachieving procrastinator. Your average procrastinator will churn out a barely acceptable piece of work before the deadline with little suffering. The overachieving procrastinator will see the deadline approaching, and suddenly realise that they have to compose a mind-blowingly excellent 5000 word Freudian analysis of Modernist fiction within the next 24 hours. And if it is not an exquisite, incredible, magnificent, and utterly flawless piece of work, then the overachieving procrastinator will sink into a spiral of complete self-loathing (which, admittedly, manifests itself much like procrastination – lying in bed and watching series. But, you know, the bad kind of lying in bed and watching series – yes, there is a bad kind.).
The life of the overachieving procrastinator is a constant seesaw of stressed relaxation and total panic. We are the epitome of contradiction – mysterious creatures, for sure. Why are we the way we are? Why can’t we change, and either stop overachieving, or stop procrastinating? One simple decision could release us from the tornado of yuck, and yet, we remain sorely incapable of putting that decision into action. Experts have theorised that perhaps we are just procrastinating making the decision, and that some day the procrastination will end and we will be able to free ourselves from our cycle of despair. But then, given that I just wrote 600 words about procrastination to procrastinate updating my Steam wishlist, to procrastinate getting up and taking a shower so I can leave the house... Well, it seems unlikely.
Perhaps some day the reason for the overachieving procrastinator affliction will become clear to us, but for now, despite all we know about the overachieving procrastinator, there is still so much we don’t know.
*cue nature documentary music* |
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Winniefield Park
Ummm...you forgot to mention the productivity apps you search for, download, set up and then forget about. The motivational books you buy, read, write notes in and then shove under the bed. The networking event you go to to meet new clients who you won't contact (but thanks for the yummy munchies, all you can drink k-cup coffee, and pen/tablet stylus). The long list of to dos that you promptly lose. The shopping for just the right computer/tablet/phone/printer...etc...to be wildly productive with....the Facebook group where you spend time kvetching because you have NO time to write. Or, the fact you know every barista by first name at the coffee shop, the names of their family members, where they last vacationed, the color of their first car....oh and that duvet cover? Time for some serious online shopping, because how old is that thing? And oh look...towels are on sale...
Ummm...you forgot to mention the productivity apps you search for, download, set up and then forget about. The motivational books you buy, read, write notes in and then shove under the bed. The networking event you go to to meet new clients who you won't contact (but thanks for the yummy munchies, all you can drink k-cup coffee, and pen/tablet stylus). The long list of to dos that you promptly lose. The shopping for just the right computer/tablet/phone/printer...etc...to be wildly productive with....the Facebook group where you spend time kvetching because you have NO time to write. Or, the fact you know every barista by first name at the coffee shop, the names of their family members, where they last vacationed, the color of their first car....oh and that duvet cover? Time for some serious online shopping, because how old is that thing? And oh look...towels are on sale...
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Jul 30, 2016
• 2,791 views
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