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10 Reasons Not To Clip Your Eventer
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   14th Aug 2016   •   1,335 views   •   0 comments
10 Reasons Not To Clip Your Eventer

Eventers are extremely versatile, talented horses. They have to be strong, smart, and be skilled in many different disciplines. This may sound like a good thing, but the second you whip out your clippers, you may just figure out that the same things that make your horse a fantastic eventer also make him a world class donkey to clip.

1. Eventers have to be a good dressage horse, which requires lightness of the forehand... a lot of lightness of the forehand. Enough lightness of the forehand that if you put your clippers anywhere near your eventer’s forehand, his fore-hooves are likely to wind up somewhere above your head.

2. Dressage also requires rein backs. Rein backs require that the horse be able to move backwards. Approach him with clippers, and you’ll quickly find out just how fast and just how far he is capable of ‘reining back’. After your tenth lap of the entire yard, and twentieth set of batteries in your clippers, those five steps on rein back in your dressage test will seem like a breeze.

3. Eventers must have extreme perseverance and fitness to keep jumping clear even after a long, fast cross country course. Of course, this also means that your eventer is likely to persevere in his resistance to your clipping even after his third sedative.

4. Lots of strengthening hill work means that eventers have extremely powerful hindquarters; great for throwing big, powerful jumps, and bigger, more powerful kicks. Right at your head.

5. Eventers also need to be pretty smart. An intelligent horse is extremely important for tricky cross country lines when something goes wrong, and the horse has to problem-solve to get its rider out of trouble. Unfortunately smart horses also know how to bust out of stables, rip out cables, and make owners disabled.

6. Showjumping requires flawless technique and finesse. And many eventers have excellent hand-biting technique when they see the clippers come out.

7. Eventers hate to lose anything. Including their fur. They hate losing their fur a lot.

8. Eventers know how to perform in any weather. Once they see the clipping cable they’ll start a lightning storm.

9. Anyone who has ever tried to buy (or sell) an event horse will know that they are worth a lot of money. You’d think that wouldn’t be a problem, but after your event horse has tried to kick you for the fiftieth time in the last half hour, selling him for sausage meat starts to become an extremely tempting option. At that point the thought of the financial loss is just a major buzz-kill.

10. Event horses are just as stubborn as their riders. So unless you want to put your life on hold and stay up nights for the next few weeks battling a half-clipped horse, you’re best off just not starting the battle in the first place.

But, alas, regardless of whether your horse is a royal git or a perfect gentleman to clip, a fuzzy-wuzzy event horse is at a sure disadvantage when it gets all sweated-up in the country. So, I mean, you’re pretty much screwed, unless you call in a pro and innocently exclaim “But he’s never done this before!” every time your horse tries to hurt them. You sneaky, sneaky scoundrel.
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