Items

Forums
What if horses could play Pokemon Go
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   21st Aug 2016   •   1,464 views   •   0 comments


Pokemon Go, an augmented reality mobile game based on Nintendo’s Pokemon series, is the latest craze taking over the globe. Pokemon Go places virtual Pokemon on a real world GPS map, encouraging players to capture, collect, and battle the Pokemon to take over gyms (based mostly at churches) for one of three teams: Instinct, Mystic, or Valor. The craze has raised numerous important sociological questions: will the game help its players to get fitter, more sociable, and more confident in the outdoors? Will it increase trespassing, car accidents, and cellphone theft? Pokemon Go offers invaluable opportunities for social studies, but right now, the most important question to ask is this:

What if horses could play Pokemon Go?

Naturally, this would have many fascinating effects, and as a budding philosopher specialising in nonsense, it is my humble duty to speculate on what these might be.

1. Racing stables would be empty, and church parking areas would look like the Blue Moon Races from ‘Racing Stripes’, because all racehorses would put their competitive spirit to good use battling gyms, rather than running races. They’d want to be the very best, like no-one ever was.

2. The world’s landfills would be composed of at least 70% ‘crushed smartphone’ from horses trying to figure out how to swipe their hooves over the screen to catch Pokemon.

3. Stampedes would be common in cities and other Pokemon-heavy areas, due to the pre-catch spooking ritual of equine Pokemon trainers. (You’d get a fright too if a Pikachu suddenly appeared outside your local McDonalds)

4. All equestrian competitions would end once horses started telling their riders “you don’t have enough badges to train me”, and taking spontaneous naps mid-course.

5. After finding that they could transfer their Pokemon in return for candies, horses would immediately start attempting to transfer their owners to all local professors in the hope that they might score some carrots in return.

6. There would finally be more Team Instinct players.

7. There would be a massive niche in the market for hoof-proof smartphones, resulting in phones and tablets becoming even more ridiculously large than they already are, and making hipsters look even more ridiculously stupid when they stand around taking videos on tablets the size of half a rugby field.

8. Grass types would become far more popular. And more rare. And maybe extinct... Yum.

9. Hacking out would become the only viable riding activity, once horses saw the opportunities for Pokemon-catching and egg-hatching.

10. Students the world over would start theorizing over what the world would be like if horses didn’t play Pokemon Go, if only to avoid doing real work for just a few hours longer.

In conclusion, if horses could play Pokemon Go, well... Life would be weird. Really weird.
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
Baby Horse Diaries - Baby Horses Are Like Underwear
10th Nov 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Yesterday, while dressing to go down to the stables and exercise the half-ton creatures that spend their lives trying to kill me, I got my foot stuck in a hole in my underwear that was definitely not supposed to be there. This mad ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Dont Hurt Me No More
19th Oct 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Since I have had my Baby Horses, Sunny and De Niro, I have had one fall off each, which is really not bad going through all the toddler tantrums! Honestly, I was feeling quite proud of myself. Until today. ...
Baby Horse Diaries - If Baby Horses Could Name Things
28th Sep 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
If you’ve ever owned, trained, or otherwise interacted with a baby horse, you will know that sometimes they just seem to see the world differently to us. Whether it’s the shallow rain puddle that’s clearly hiding sharks, or the in ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Sass Levels Reach All Time High
7th Jul 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
This is not fake news. Our sources have confirmed that Baby Niro displayed excessively high levels of sass recently when being ridden in the arena after a week off work. Witnesses report high levels of head tossing and neck flicki ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Starter Kit
16th Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
So you just bought yourself a baby horse? I bet you’re wondering what you’ll need to help you in this new chapter of your life! Well never fear, Baby Horse Diaries is here to answer all of your questions. To create your own Baby H ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Playtime (AKA the Hunger Games)
9th Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses, like most babies, are curious, energetic and playful beings that constantly seek out new means of entertainment. In fact, one of the most fun things about having a baby horse is all the wonderful new games that you ge ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Energy Levels
3rd Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Here is my top 10 SECRET list of master plans for dealing with excess energy in horses. ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Baby Horses Are Stupid
26th May 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses are really neat. When you get them they are stupid. You know they’re stupid, any rational human being can expect them to be stupid, and they don’t know they’re stupid because they don’t know anything. Because they’re s ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
 
©2002 - 2019   PonyBox LLC Create Account Terms & Conditions Privacy Contact Us
529 Members Online 254,882 Registered Members 2,631 News Articles 11,137,775 Unique News Article Views 261,737,162 Website Views