Items

Forums
My Horse is a #$@&%*!
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   8th Oct 2016   •   1,796 views   •   5 comments
My-Horse-is-a-#$@&%*!

There are many different types of horses in the world. Big ones, small ones, sleek ones, hairy ones, slow ones, fast ones, calm ones and fiery ones. Each horse has its own unique qualities that make it a special gift from God to brighten the life of everyone it meets. At least, that seems to be the general consensus. Horses are wonderful, sweet, kind, magnificent and loyal creatures that should be loved and worshiped by all. It seems right Ė Iíve often described a horse as my best friend, my partner, the love of my life. They are amazing, flawless animals. Yeah, I used to think that too. Then I met a certain little thoroughbred called Moo.

As I write this, I am soaking wet from the knee-down, with puddles in my boots, and sand in places Iíd rather not mention. Iíve said it before and Iíll say it again: My horse is an #$@&%*!

No, heís not misunderstood, or badly trained, or poorly cared for Ė he is worked regularly, fed a large portion of high quality feed thrice daily, carefully maintained with treatments, has a fitting saddle, and has been taught appropriate manners both under saddle and on the ground. Heís not the sort of monster you often see created by ignorance and poor handling. Heís just an #$@&%*!, like that guy who parks in disabled parking spots, or the woman who cuts in front of you in the queue, or that co-worker who thinks itís okay to steal your delicious roast beef sandwich that you brought for lunch, and leave the empty wrapper with your name on it in the fridge.

Like any #$@&%*!, Moo has his reasons for his despicable behaviour Ė the same overall reason, really, which motivates the majority of both jerks and geniuses the world round: laziness. While a genius uses his laziness to find the most efficient means of completing a task, thus converting laziness into success, a jerk does much the same, with one exception: Ďefficiencyí for an jerk usually involves simply inconveniencing everyone else. I guess you could say Moo is a genius. He is good at what he does, he can produce a fantastic dressage test for a thoroughbred, and he rides a mean cross country. The problem is, Moo has realised that Ďproperí dressage is hard work, and that it is much easier to plod around in a comfortable rhythm with a lovely frame like he did in the lower grades, than it is to actually move forward into the contact with his hocks underneath him like he should do for the higher grades. Put simply, doing his work properly is difficult, so he would rather do the bare minimum that would be considered Ďobedientí, and vehemently object to any attempt by his rider (me, unfortunately) to push him beyond that. This brings us to the puddles and sand (which Iím pretty sure is starting to chafe).

Since the dressage arena at my livery yard is currently under renovation and the jumping arena is too thick to allow any decent work from a work-avoiding asshole, Moo and I have been doing most of our schooling on the beach. It isnít the ideal work environment, but on a nice day like today, itís certainly not unpleasant. Unless half of it ends up lodged in your undergarments. In any case, I had Moo working in a good trot, stretching long and low and working on his bend, when some curious onlookers began approaching from down the beach. Moo, of course, was slightly distracted when he noticed them, so I sent him forward into the contact to catch his attention. A few more circles, and Moo continues to pop his head up to look at the approaching people every time he comes around the circle. At this stage, it is clear that he is just using the distraction as an excuse to avoid hard work (trust me, I know when heís lying), so I decide to call his bluff and demand his attention with a little kick, expecting him to move forward and return focus to me like he should. Well, I certainly got his focus. Unfortunately, he decided that Ďforwardí seemed too much like hard work, so he took advantage of the long rein, and from his lovely rhythmic trot, launched a buck that popped me right over his low neck. I mean, itís my own fault I came off. My mistake. Thatís what I get for forgetting my horse is an jerk. Should have expected it... should have been prepared. I bet Moo is disappointed in me.

My-Horse-is-a-#$@&%*!

In any case, being the #$@&%*! that he is, Moo decided not to wait for me, but rather to gallop off toward home, leaving me to trudge in my boots and chaps back through a knee-deep pan of water, and along a flooded path until I reached the sand track leading back to the stables. I expected that Moo would have galloped all the way home, but as I hauled myself out of the water at last, I saw him grazing several meters off at the edge of the sand track. When I called him, he walked away further, despite being hopelessly tangled in his reins to the point that he couldnít lift his head above his knees. Seeing his predicament (my poor baby), I started running through the thick sand towards him, gasping and wheezing like the unfit asthmatic I am (because even if he is a #$@&%*!, Iíd still be beside myself if anything ever happened to him). When I reached him, I found him basically handcuffed by his own reins. He had somehow managed to get them tangled around both front pasterns. He wasnít too phased, though. Not being able to lift his head just meant he had a good excuse to catch a snack while I floundered around looking for the buckle. Helpful soul that he is, Moo decided to snatch up his leg every time I tried to touch the buckle. Thankfully I managed to avoid any knees to the eye or hooves on my toe (it would not be the first time), and when I finally got him untangled, Moo proceeded to drag me Ė wet, muddy, panting and exhausted Ė back to the yard.

We finished our schooling session in the lunge arena, where the ground is firmest. He worked perfectly. My saddle now has sand scratches. But honestly? Heís worth every moment. My horse may be a #$@&%*!, but that doesnít stop him from being my best friends. Sometimes the best friends are the #$@&%*!: the ones who catch you by surprise, take you on adventures, and make you laugh. My horse is a jerk, and thanks to him, Iíve learned to always get by with a sense of humour. Thanks to him, I always have a story to tell. Thanks to him, I usually know how to sit a buck. But I guess now I need a refresher course on that.
Horse News More PB Articles About:  Polo the Weirdo,
Horse News More In This Category:  General      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
War Pony Memorial  
I thought we weren't aloud to use code words to block out bad words?
  Oct 9, 2016  •  1,899 views
 
Stone Creek Ranch II  
Keep it classy polo. You forgot to blank out some of your swears. Nice example you're setting for the other players.
  Oct 9, 2016  •  1,871 views
 
Valkyrie  MOD 
This sort of article makes it very, very hard for us mods to do our jobs without looking like huge hypocrites. I am getting so frustrated with the content being published as "news".
  Oct 10, 2016  •  1,868 views
 
Shimmer Shine Stables  
Getting sick of the double standards this site has. This kind of thing isn't allowed on the forums. Great. I have no problems with that. However, if this is against the rules, it needs to apply to EVERY player in EVERY aspect of the game.
  Oct 10, 2016  •  1,850 views
 
Pastel Retirement  
I'm surprised this article is still up. Who proof reads before anything is posted
  Oct 11, 2016  •  1,819 views
 Related Horse News
Perfection has its flaws - The story of Polo
12th Apr 2010   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
This is the story of my horse, Polo. Yet it is not only about Polo, because you see her story is my story. In this day and age we often see things that have come to be known as 'fursonas', virtual creatures that Internet users hav ...
Jumping My Polo Horse Bareback
25th Jun 2010   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
This video shows myself and my Polo horse simply being ourselves and having a great time! Everything in this video is bareback, it is a complete no saddle zone! The only tack used is always either a bridle or a halter and lead rei ...
April 20th 2013 Showjumping Competition With Bronze
27th Apr 2013   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
The weekend of April 20th saw my official showjumping debut for 2013. Since the South African Junior Championships in December, my horses were given a well deserved holiday, before slowly building back up to competition standard. ...
A Tribute To Polo
19th Nov 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
So, to my Polo, goodbye, and thank you. You were more important to me than you could ever know. And to all you at Ponybox, Hello again, and thanks for waiting. With this long overdue tribute to a very special muse, Polo the Weirdo ...
April 20th 2013 Showjumping Competition With Finola
2nd May 2013   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
The weekend of April 20th saw my official showjumping debut for 2013. Since the South African Junior Championships in December, my horses were given a well deserved holiday, before slowly building back up to competition standard. ...
Baby Horses are kind of like Farts
18th Aug 2018   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Have you ever experienced while attending an extremely proper and dignified horse show, an elegantly dressed person suddenly erupting, at the top of their very polite lungs, WHY YOU LITTLE FART! And, having had this strange experi ...
10 Signs you have the Wrong Instructor
10th Mar 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
If your instructor is able to get through more than three bottles of wine in a lesson, you probably have the wrong instructor. Or your instructor has the wrong pupil. You should never drive instructors to alcoholism, no matter how ...
My Horse is a #$@&%*!
8th Oct 2016   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
As I write this, I am soaking wet from the knee-down, with puddles in my boots, and sand in places Iíd rather not mention. Iíve said it before and Iíll say it again: My horse is an #$@&%*! ...
If Horses Were Celebrities
17th Apr 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Horse and Hound recently released a quiz which tells you, based on a series of questions, what celebrity your horse would be if he was a human. Unsurprisingly, my own Moonfire would probably be Kanye West. This got me thinking, if ...
Alternative Equine Behavior Issues
15th Apr 2017   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Have you ever thought about the terms that we equestrians use for horse behavior problems, and what those terms would sound like to the average man on the street? Our jargon often leads to much confusion for the layman (which ofte ...
  View More PonyBox Related Horse Articles
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
Baby Horse Diaries - Sass Levels Reach All Time High
7th Jul 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
This is not fake news. Our sources have confirmed that Baby Niro displayed excessively high levels of sass recently when being ridden in the arena after a week off work. Witnesses report high levels of head tossing and neck flicki ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Starter Kit
16th Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
So you just bought yourself a baby horse? I bet youíre wondering what youíll need to help you in this new chapter of your life! Well never fear, Baby Horse Diaries is here to answer all of your questions. To create your own Baby H ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Playtime (AKA the Hunger Games)
9th Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses, like most babies, are curious, energetic and playful beings that constantly seek out new means of entertainment. In fact, one of the most fun things about having a baby horse is all the wonderful new games that you ge ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Energy Levels
3rd Jun 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Here is my top 10 SECRET list of master plans for dealing with excess energy in horses. ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Baby Horses Are Stupid
26th May 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses are really neat. When you get them they are stupid. You know theyíre stupid, any rational human being can expect them to be stupid, and they donít know theyíre stupid because they donít know anything. Because theyíre s ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Meet The Babies
19th May 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Today I would like to introduce the stars of our series, VanRee De Niro (Baby Niro), and Little Miss Sunshine (Baby Sunny). ...
Baby Horse Diaries Introduction
12th May 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
Some of you might remember that about 8 years ago I created a series on Ponybox documenting my progress in retraining a young Thoroughbred racehorse, Moonfire, for his eventing career. Those of you who continued to follow my (admi ...
Among The Stars - Part 8 of 8
24th Mar 2019   |   General   |   Polo the Weirdo
I wish I could say Ďtime healsí, but it doesnít. I still miss him every day. I still cry every time I look at his photos. Some days Iíll wake up and simply canít face a world without him in it. I canít leave my bed, because, whatí ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
 
©2002 - 2019   PonyBox LLC Create Account Terms & Conditions Privacy Contact Us
458 Members Online 248,113 Registered Members 2,590 News Articles 10,894,638 Unique News Article Views 251,913,435 Website Views