Items

Forums
10 Signs you have the Wrong Instructor
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   10th Mar 2017   •   2,202 views   •   0 comments
10 Signs you have the Wrong Instructor

Believe it or not, in the horse world, there are such things as ‘bad instructors’, or (because perhaps your instructor wouldn’t be bad for every rider) at least ‘wrong instructors’. Human beings in general tend to be fairly self-interested creatures, and of course, nobody should be frowned upon for doing what they can to make a living. Unless ‘what they can’ involves endangering your life to fill their pockets. That’s only okay for sky diving instructors, and believe it or not, sky diving is not supposed to be what your riding instructor is teaching you. If you feel like your skydiving skills are improving more than your riding skills, then you probably have the wrong instructor. In order to ascertain whether your instructor is, in fact, helping and not hurting, please consult the following helpful list of ways to tell that you have the wrong instructor.

1. Your instructor regularly enthuses “Good job!” while watching cat videos on her smartphone as you hang upside down onto the neck of a galloping horse making laps of the arena. This is not a good job. This is a bad job. Horse riding is safer when atop the horse’s back and in the saddle, usually.

2. When jumping, you feel like reaching your stirrups is perfectly preparing you for the future ballet career that you are likely to take up after you get sick of eating dirt every time you sit on a horse. Ballet instructors do not make good riding instructors. Toes and heels cannot be pointed down at the same time. (Seriously, they can’t, try it.) If your instructor is not recommending a short enough stirrup length for jumping, you’ve probably got the wrong instructor.

3. After getting bucked off for the fifteenth time in a week, when you get the vet out to check the teeth of the ‘ten year old’ ‘schoolmaster’ that your instructor sourced for you, you find that somebody has replaced all of your poor horse’s teeth with those of a three year old. That must be the only explanation for the vet finding that your new horsey is actually only about a third of the age that your instructor claimed. Your instructor would never lie to you. Not even to buy herself a new car with the $9000 she earned from charging you $10,000 for a $1,000 horse.

4. If people at shows walk up to you and ask “who is your instructor?”, this gives an excellent opportunity to figure out if you have the wrong instructor or the right one. Consider the inflection of the person’s voice. If they sound amazed and awestruck, as if they were admiring a glorious sunset, or Kim Kardashian’s butt, then you probably have the right instructor. If they sound grave and sympathetic, as if they had just found out that your country voted in Donald Trump as its president, then you probably have the wrong instructor.

5. If, after five years of ‘jumping training’, you find yourself able to ride a perfect piaffe, but unable to approach a 60cm cross bar, you probably have the wrong instructor. Most likely a good instructor, but also the wrong one. Not every instructor can teach every discipline. If I told you that I could teach you team penning, I would be lying. My horse is scared of cows. I barely know how to make my horse walk past cows, let alone ‘pen’ them. But if you offer to pay me to teach you team penning, well, sure I can. It can’t be that different from eventing, right? “Heels down! Sit up! Leg on!” Yeah. I got this.

6. If your instructor is able to get through more than three bottles of wine in a lesson, you probably have the wrong instructor. Or your instructor has the wrong pupil. You should never drive instructors to alcoholism, no matter how bad a job they are doing. This is wrong.

7. If you find yourself, after one extremely successful lesson on your horse, sitting in the stands at the World Equestrian Games several years later; watching your instructor win on the horse that you haven’t ridden since your first lesson, you might have the wrong instructor. Some extra professional schooling can go a long way for any horse, and could help out your riding too. But only if you ride. If you are not sitting on a horse, you are probably not learning to ride. You do not have an instructor... You have a sponsored rider. These are used for riding, not for instructing.

8. If your instructor regularly beats you with a crop, you probably have the wrong instructor. Crops are also used for riding, not instructing. Well, usually. Luckily it isn’t illegal to gently beat your pupils a little as long as you don’t work in a school. Right?

9. If you yourself having to run everything your instructor says through Google Translate before you can understand it, you might have the wrong instructor. Having an instructor that speaks your language (both in the literal and metaphorical sense) is fairly important if you are hoping to learn anything from them.

10. If your instructor has no sense of humour, you definitely have the wrong instructor. A good instructor always laughs when their pupil falls into a water jump, or gets bucked off into a steaming heap of poop. No, really. We’re supposed to do that... I promise.
Horse News More PB Articles About:  Polo the Weirdo,
Horse News More In This Category:  Horse Training      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
 Related Horse News
Perfection has its flaws - The story of Polo
12th Apr 2010   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
This is the story of my horse, Polo. Yet it is not only about Polo, because you see her story is my story. In this day and age we often see things that have come to be known as 'fursonas', virtual creatures that Internet users hav ...
Jumping My Polo Horse Bareback
25th Jun 2010   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
This video shows myself and my Polo horse simply being ourselves and having a great time! Everything in this video is bareback, it is a complete no saddle zone! The only tack used is always either a bridle or a halter and lead rei ...
April 20th 2013 Showjumping Competition With Bronze
27th Apr 2013   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
The weekend of April 20th saw my official showjumping debut for 2013. Since the South African Junior Championships in December, my horses were given a well deserved holiday, before slowly building back up to competition standard. ...
A Tribute To Polo
19th Nov 2017   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
So, to my Polo, goodbye, and thank you. You were more important to me than you could ever know. And to all you at Ponybox, Hello again, and thanks for waiting. With this long overdue tribute to a very special muse, Polo the Weirdo ...
April 20th 2013 Showjumping Competition With Finola
2nd May 2013   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
The weekend of April 20th saw my official showjumping debut for 2013. Since the South African Junior Championships in December, my horses were given a well deserved holiday, before slowly building back up to competition standard. ...
Baby Horses are kind of like Farts
18th Aug 2018   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Have you ever experienced while attending an extremely proper and dignified horse show, an elegantly dressed person suddenly erupting, at the top of their very polite lungs, WHY YOU LITTLE FART! And, having had this strange experi ...
10 Signs you have the Wrong Instructor
10th Mar 2017   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
If your instructor is able to get through more than three bottles of wine in a lesson, you probably have the wrong instructor. Or your instructor has the wrong pupil. You should never drive instructors to alcoholism, no matter how ...
My Horse is a #$@&%*!
8th Oct 2016   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
As I write this, I am soaking wet from the knee-down, with puddles in my boots, and sand in places I’d rather not mention. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: My horse is an #$@&%*! ...
If Horses Were Celebrities
17th Apr 2017   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Horse and Hound recently released a quiz which tells you, based on a series of questions, what celebrity your horse would be if he was a human. Unsurprisingly, my own Moonfire would probably be Kanye West. This got me thinking, if ...
Alternative Equine Behavior Issues
15th Apr 2017   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Have you ever thought about the terms that we equestrians use for horse behavior problems, and what those terms would sound like to the average man on the street? Our jargon often leads to much confusion for the layman (which ofte ...
  View More PonyBox Related Horse Articles
 More News by Polo the Weirdo
Baby Horse Diaries - Sass Levels Reach All Time High
7th Jul 2019   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
This is not fake news. Our sources have confirmed that Baby Niro displayed excessively high levels of sass recently when being ridden in the arena after a week off work. Witnesses report high levels of head tossing and neck flicki ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Starter Kit
16th Jun 2019   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
So you just bought yourself a baby horse? I bet you’re wondering what you’ll need to help you in this new chapter of your life! Well never fear, Baby Horse Diaries is here to answer all of your questions. To create your own Baby H ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Playtime (AKA the Hunger Games)
9th Jun 2019   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses, like most babies, are curious, energetic and playful beings that constantly seek out new means of entertainment. In fact, one of the most fun things about having a baby horse is all the wonderful new games that you ge ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Energy Levels
3rd Jun 2019   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Here is my top 10 SECRET list of master plans for dealing with excess energy in horses. ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Baby Horses Are Stupid
26th May 2019   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Baby horses are really neat. When you get them they are stupid. You know they’re stupid, any rational human being can expect them to be stupid, and they don’t know they’re stupid because they don’t know anything. Because they’re s ...
Baby Horse Diaries - Meet The Babies
19th May 2019   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Today I would like to introduce the stars of our series, VanRee De Niro (Baby Niro), and Little Miss Sunshine (Baby Sunny). ...
Baby Horse Diaries Introduction
12th May 2019   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
Some of you might remember that about 8 years ago I created a series on Ponybox documenting my progress in retraining a young Thoroughbred racehorse, Moonfire, for his eventing career. Those of you who continued to follow my (admi ...
Among The Stars - Part 8 of 8
24th Mar 2019   |   Horse Training   |   Polo the Weirdo
I wish I could say ‘time heals’, but it doesn’t. I still miss him every day. I still cry every time I look at his photos. Some days I’ll wake up and simply can’t face a world without him in it. I can’t leave my bed, because, what’ ...
  View All News by Polo the Weirdo
 
©2002 - 2019   PonyBox LLC Create Account Terms & Conditions Privacy Contact Us
393 Members Online 249,591 Registered Members 2,604 News Articles 10,955,789 Unique News Article Views 254,737,034 Website Views