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If Horses Went To School
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Have you ever wondered what the world would be like if horses went to school to learn how to be ridden, instead of just being backed by their owners or trainers? And I don’t mean ‘school’ as in spelling farms or professional training facilities. I mean ‘school’ as in Mean Girls or High School Musical. Chances are, the world would be pretty different – at least for their human teachers and classmates. In fact, for them, it would probably be downright weird. For example...
1. Unlike human students, equine students would most likely have a tendency to stop dead and freeze several times during each new activity, and point-blank refuse to continue.
“Fluffy, can you tell me what 1+1 is?” Fluffy: *staring into space like a statue* “Fluffy?” ... (Resume class ten minutes after passing law to allow use of a schooling whip in maths class)
2. Say goodbye to the ‘no eating in class’ rule. Equine students, being grazers, would be constantly snacking – if not on food, then probably on their notes. “When the rider uses their outside leg you should-“ *giant munch-hole*
3. Toilet passes would become a thing of the past because class would have to be put on hold until the equine student had completed his ‘activity’ and was ready to resume learning. Baby horses really don’t like to multitask.
4. Detention halls would be a lot more crowded, since biting people (and chewing on their property) is generally frowned upon in civilized society.
5. Physical Education classes would require an on-site ambulance. Especially when playing contact sports.
6. In the event of a stomach ache, instead of just letting the student lie down, a teacher would have to chase the equine student around the classroom, yelling and clapping her hands like a mad woman. Additionally, the school would probably have to immediately contact a doctor, fireman, priest and exorcist to make sure they don’t get sued.
7. All playground games that involve stepping on toes would immediately become extreme sports.
8. It would take at least 30 minutes longer to start every class, since equine students would be lined up spooking at the doorway and refusing to go inside. Then again, that doesn’t sound too different from most human kids’ attitudes. It certainly matches mine.
9. The same lesson would have to be taught multiple times every day. Repetition is key.
10. In the event of an equine teacher not understanding the lesson, they would most likely object by bucking back and forth across the classroom until somebody presented them with a carrot or a stick (whatever method the school chooses to use).
11. All strict teachers would probably get kicked.
12. Every ring of the bell would cause a school-wide stampede. A literal one.
13. For human students, I think it’s safe to say school would be a fair amount more exciting. If potentially lethal.
Overall, it seems like things would be pretty... uh... ‘Interesting’. And teachers would have to have more patience than Leonardo Di Caprio waiting for his first Oscar. How do you think the world would be different if you had baby horses attending your school? Share your thoughts in the comments! |
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