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What Your Riding Instructor Wants For Christmas
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Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of people asking for advice on what they should get their riding instructor for Christmas – that perfect gift to fully thank them for their hard work, commitment and oh, oh so much patience throughout the year.
“Should I give her some bath salts?” they ask, “Or a bouquet of flowers?”
Well, no. She’s not a bumblebee, and I guarantee you she hasn’t had time to take a bath since that Epsom salt soak the last time your horse dumped her head first in a ditch.
A riding instructor is a unique and precious being, and though each of us are unique individuals, there is most definitely some common ground. So if you’re looking for the perfect gift, never fear! My own riding instructor list to Santa is here!
1. Wine or Tequila. If you’re not concerned about being classy. Yeah, we drink. We all drink. If you want to know what I’m doing after I’ve finally got home after a long day of teaching, yup, you guessed it, I’m sitting on the couch quietly sobbing into a glass of wine over the fact that it’s been a whole year and no matter how many times I tell you, your damn heels are still not down.
2. New gloves. If your instructor is also a rider, as many of us are, then trust me she goes through more gloves than an octopus trying to make it as a gardener. And if you think she can afford to replace her broken gloves every month with the measly salary she earns from shouting at you to shorten your reins and use more leg, you are very mistaken. She will wear those gloves until the emo kids at the mall start complimenting her on her cool new ‘semi-fingerless’ fashion statement. Sometimes a pair of new gloves is all we need to stop the reins slipping through our hands and maintain control of our life, living, and temper.
3. Cool UV-protection sun-sleeves. Are they overpriced? You better bet they’re overpriced. That’s why she doesn’t own them yet. But if you’re starting to get uncomfortable from staring at her weird glove tan, then this will be a worthwhile investment for both of you. Because otherwise the glove tan is there to stay. Forever. I know.
4. Stylish sun hat. Yes, instructors spend a lot of time in the sun. And as the reason for that time in the sun, it’s pretty much your responsibility to protect your instructor from skin cancer. She’s too busy looking after you and your giant herbivorous dog to even think about taking care of herself.
5. Health Insurance. So you don’t have to feel so bad the next time you run her over.
6. Warm, robust, waterproof boots. There is nothing worse than starting your day teaching in a wet arena, and then spending the entire day in cold, soggy socks. My feet end up looking like soft, pink raisins. Save your poor instructor the suffering. Her feet will thank you.
7. More wine. She’s probably finished the first bottle in the time it took you to read this.
8. Sponsor her competitive registrations. She is dedicating her life to furthering your career. You can dedicate your Christmas to furthering hers.
9. New leather chaps. Like gloves, these get worn through pretty fast, and they are expensive to replace. You don’t want her to die next time she gets her spur hooked in the hole in her chap and falls flat on her face. And unless you got her that health insurance, she definitely can’t afford the reconstructive facial surgery.
10. Give her a holiday. It’s important to remember that during the festive season, most employers offer their employees paid leave, and the choice not to work on public holidays. Your instructor is her own employer, and if she doesn’t work, she doesn’t earn, which can make Christmas really tough – especially when it comes time for her to buy presents for everyone else. So if Christmas day falls on your usual lesson day, why not pay for that lesson anyway? You’ll make your instructor’s December just that little bit easier. |
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