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Baby Horse Diaries - Playtime (AKA the Hunger Games)
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   9th Jun 2019   •   179 views   •   0 comments
Baby Horse Diaries Playtime

Baby horses, like most babies, are curious, energetic and playful beings that constantly seek out new means of entertainment. In fact, one of the most fun things about having a baby horse is all the wonderful new games that you get to learn how to play – and the skills you get to develop in learning them. As humans, we learn a lot of our life skills though play, and on a personal level, I feel I could attribute most of the life skills I’ve learned to various games I’ve played with the baby horses I’ve trained over the years. And now, doing it all over again, not only do I get to brush up on games I already learned how to play – I also get to learn a whole bunch of new ones! Curious? I bet you are. Well don’t worry, I won’t leave you in suspense any longer! Here are some of the most fun games you get to play with baby horses:

Tooth or Dare
In this fun game, you get to train your reflexes, and practice playing chicken. The rules are as follows: The baby horse selects an object (i.e., your very expensive new saddle, any available limb, or your face) and then tries to insert its teeth into this object when you’re not looking. Every time you catch it, you shout “Don’t you dare!” The winner is whoever spends less money repairing tooth-related damage. In other words, the winner is not you. Definitely not you.

Tag
This baby horse version of tag takes the childhood classic up a notch! The rules are the same, but when the baby horse is ‘it’, if ‘it’ catches you, you die. You win by running the heck out of the paddock, or swinging a lead rope around like it’s Wonder Woman’s lasso, and praying to God almighty that your baby horse will decide to spare you and let you live to ‘play’ another day.

Hide and Seek
Baby horses have numerous versions of this game. The first is where you arrive to find a broken (or just empty if you have a jumper) paddock, and have to scour the neighborhood for signs of a wayward baby. The second is where you dig through all the receipts, toothpicks and old restaurant sweets in your wallet, exclaiming “where did all my money go?!” while your baby horse looks on smugly from under its brand new and thoroughly shredded fly sheet. You do not win this version. You never win this version.

Catch
Instead of a ball, you have to catch the frantic baby horse galloping around you and trying to escape its own flapping stirrups. As the human, you have hands, so you must be handicapped to make it fair. This is achieved by the baby horse launching you from its back towards the nearest potentially handicapping object, resulting in the beginning of a game of ‘Catch’.

Horsecotch
The baby horse version of hopscotch is really not much different from the original. The only difference is that the chalk lines are invisible, and you don’t get a warning of when the game is starting, or in what direction it’s going. You win by sticking to your baby horse until the game is over.

Perk: Super-strong grippy thighs and increased balance.
Con: Medical bills and moderate-to-severe joint pain.

Musical Saddles
Every time you sit on your baby horse, you just have to pray that it’s not going to disappear out from under you and leave you on your butt. If you start hearing music, you lose. Go to the ER for a cat-scan.

Blind Mare’s Bluff
In this game (for mares), your job is to safely guide your senselessly hormonal baby horse around a course of simple obstacles without allowing it (or yourself) to collide with anything. Your baby horse wins by ignoring all your desperate attempts to save it from itself, and running headfirst into the nearest solid object. The bigger the vet’s bill, the bigger the victory.

Twister
You’re not so much the player in this game as the game itself. The baby horse competes to see what strange shapes it can twist you into each time it throws you off. The more spectators, the more points it gets awarded. Much fun.

Operation
You get to have an operation to fix all the broken bones from Twister. Yay. The baby horse wins.

Guessing Game
You play this game every single time you see your baby horse. What is it eating? Bet you can’t guess! What scary monster did it just see in the bush? You’ll never figure it out! Are you going to survive your ride? Who knows! A thrilling game of mystery and surprise, where everyone is a winner! Prizes include bruises, vet bills, and broken bones.

If I can offer any advice after my years of ongoing defeat at the hooves of superior playmates, it is this:

a) Play it safe.
b) The baby horse always wins.

Happy Playtime, Kids!
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