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Baby Horse Diaries - If Baby Horses Could Name Things
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   28th Sep 2019   •   315 views   •   0 comments
If you’ve ever owned, trained, or otherwise interacted with a baby horse, you will know that sometimes they just seem to see the world differently to us. Whether it’s the shallow rain puddle that’s clearly hiding sharks, or the invisible monster in the bush behind the yellow jump, Baby Horses’ brains are just different. It has to make you wonder – what does the world look like to a baby horse? Well, as designated Baby Horse Translator, I am here to tell you just that. This week, I asked my baby horses what they would call the simple everday items that we interact with on a regular basis, and this is what they said:

If Baby Horses Could Name Things

1.  Dog = Small but deadly wolf.
2.  Bird = Murder Flap Flap.
3.  Butterfly = Small and Colourful Murder Flap Flap.
4.  Helicopter = GIANT LOUD MURDER FLAP FLAP! MUCH SCARE!
5.  Car = Moving Box of Death (that may contain food).
6.  Saddle = Delicious Nom Noms.
7.  Bridle = Giraffe-Impression Neck Stretcher.
8.  Lunge Rein = Nope Rope.
9.  Lunge Whip = Nope Stick.
10.  Lunge Arena = Nope Rodeo.
11.  Horsebox / trailer = Nope Box (that also may contain food).
12.  Manners = What?
13.  Fence = Delicious Fibre Snack.
14.  Electric Fence = Jalapeno Fibre Snack.
15.  Human = Noisy Pinata.
16.  Hack = RACE!!!
17.  Arena = RACETRACK!!!
18.  Jumps/Gridwork = STEEPLECHASE!!!
19.  Grooming Brushes = Well-disguised Deadly Tasers.
20.  Friends = Food.
21.  Potentially toxic plants = Food.
22.  Plastic Bucket = Food.
23.  Water Bucket = Inappropriately Small Bathtub. Also Toilet.
24.  Plastic Bag with human = Luxury Snacks!
25.  Plastic Bag without human = FLAPPY MONSTER!!!
26.  Weekends = Designated Weekly Sick Days.
27.  Farrier = Food?
28.  Angry, Bruised Farrier = DEFINTIELY NOT FOOD!!!
29.  Other Stationary Horses = Buddies + prime napping spot = Happiness.
30.  Other Moving Horses = HORRIBLE TERRIFYING PARASITE MONSTERS IN HORSE SKIN SUITS!!!
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