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Baby Horse Diaries - Baby Horses Are Like Underwear
 By Polo the Weirdo   •   10th Nov 2019   •   894 views   •   2 comments
Baby Horses Are Like Underwear

Yesterday, while dressing to go down to the stables and exercise the half-ton creatures that spend their lives trying to kill me, I got my foot stuck in a hole in my underwear that was definitely not supposed to be there. This made me realise a few things things.

First, I really need new underwear but I really can’t afford new underwear because of the aforementioned half ton creatures that not only try to kill me but also eat all my money. When you think about it, baby horses are kind of like underwear.

Don’t believe me? Need a list of similarities to prove I’m not crazy (or crazier than the average human who spends all their health and wealth on ungrateful half-ton creatures)? Well, challenge accepted! Strap in, fellow baby horse sufferers, for today I am going to tell you why your baby horse is like your thong (or perhaps more sensible equestrian underwear choice).

1. You acquire them with the expectation that they will always be under your ass when you need them. But they’re not.

2. The fancy, expensive ones always seem like a great decision until you realise they don’t really suit any functional purpose, and you’re too embarrassed to take them out in public anyway. So you just post photos to your Instagram – but never with you in them.

3. After a certain amount of time you’ll find you have favourites that you think you can rely on. Then they break.

4. Poorly fitted ones can result in extremely embarrassing and potentially illegal situations.

5. When you get them, you hope that your significant other will like them. Then you realise they prefer you without them.

6. People will tell you that some are for men and some are for women. This is a lie so that men get all the big, plain, comfy ones, and women end up with the fancy and expensive ones that only cause endless pain.

7. Your butt just never seems to be on the part of them that you thought it ought to be.

8. Super unreliable. Like, so unreliable.

Baby Horses Are Like Underwear

9. No matter how many times they fail you, you just keep getting more. Because you think you “need” them. Nudist, non-equestrian lifestyle, anyone?

10. Pain in unmentionable places. Not just your heart.

11. You can’t talk about them in public without people becoming uncomfortable and moving away from you – or else accumulating a horde of weirdos who begin sobbing with you in quiet solidarity.

12. Because you can’t try them out first, you never know if they are going to fit.

13. If they do fit, they’ll probably break. To spite you.

14. You might think it’s a good idea to let your friends help you choose them, but you’ll probably just end up with the prettiest type that you kind of can’t use for anything.

15. Get the wrong ones, and you will 100% regret it. You can’t give them back, you can’t sell them on, and when your ass ends up somewhere you didn’t expect, all you can do is pull them up, wipe away your tears, and hope to high heaven that somehow, someday, you end up growing into them.

Okay, well that was pretty negative. Sure, I could have said something like “the best ones will support you with their all until the end of their days”, but life has taught me that positive thinking is for people who don’t have underwear up their butt – or some similar pain in the ass (like baby horses) to deal with every day of their lives. But hey, as long as we can untwist our knickers and keep on keeping on with our senses of humour intact, I think we’re doing alright, fellow Baby Horse Sufferers!
Horse News More PB Articles About:  Baby Horse Diaries,
Horse News More In This Category:  Horse Stories      Horse News More From This Author:  Polo the Weirdo
No Longer Really Here  
You must seriously hate horses. I feel sorry for any that come through your life.
  Nov 11, 2019  •  876 views
 
Knotty Standies
Disagree completely. Love my foals and they come way up higher in my line of thoughts then what pants I pick out my draw daily. Yes maybe funny to some but the image is probably not ideal on a sim game wheee there is still youngsters and yes I do have a sense of humour!
  Nov 12, 2019  •  838 views
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