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Dear Baby Horse - Regarding The Gate
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The Cynical Equestrian
666 WhydoIdothis Street,
Mustbemadville
2020/02/11
Baby Horse
Minister of Shenanigans
2nd Paddock on the Left
Dear Baby Horse,
I am a long-time sufferer of your shenanigans, and I am writing to express my concern about recent discussion and the pending decision to implement an “exit the arena at any given opportunity” policy. I understand that the decision is being considered to enable escape from work that will accommodate your preferred feeding schedule.
However, I do not believe that the benefits of you stuffing your stupid face compare favorably to the benefits of me keeping all of my limbs attached. Consider: My being in possession of the appropriate number of limbs allows me to continue doing my extremely poorly-chosen job of training young horses. If one of my knees, for example, were to be forcefully removed by one of your unexpected exits from the arena, I would be left unable to earn a living, and therefore unable to generate the income required to pay for the tasty snacks that you so desire. This would eventually lead to you either starving to death, or else being sold to a new owner who would most likely have you disposed of after becoming sick and tired of your constant shenanigans that I so patiently tolerate.
It would seem that snacking in your paddock during your brief 1 hour of work 6 days per week would bring increased growth to your already enormous belly, and thus an increase in your personal joy and perceived success in life. However, consider that my well-being is in fact a requirement for your comfortable living, and without my physical health and good humour, you will swiftly find yourself in a donation crate addressed to the crocodile farm.
Are these trade-offs that we really want to make? I am looking forward to your response.
Sincerely,
Your long-suffering trainer,
The Cynical Equestrian
Check out The Polo The Weirdo Baby Horse Diaries Series. |
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