Life Lessons From a Horse
By Valkyrie
•
21st Mar 2010 •
3,204 views
•
13 comments
|
|
I have learned many things in the nearly eighteen-years I have walked this earth. But perhaps the most valuable lessons have come from owning my two cheeky, adorable miniature horses Beauty and Star. I thought I should share them with you, and we can all become richer for the experience.
1. Hoses are snakes.
You may not see them move, but I do, and I know they are coming for me. The same applies to trailing ends of lead-ropes, flapping bits of tarpaulin and anything random I can turn into a horse-eating beast.
2. Fences are guidelines, not rules.
If your owner closes the gate or blocks up a hole, they are merely offering you a challenge to keep you sharp. Take them up on that offer, they will be so happy that you are taking the opportunity to get some exercise. In fact, they may be so glad to see you cavorting about the front lawn, trampling the roses, that they will come out and start a game of tag with you.
Fences also make excellent butt-scratchers. The more hair you leave scattered on the ground, the better.
3. Sheep are evil.
They are secretly plotting your downfall. Any chance you get you should chase them and, if possible, rip out great chunks of wool. That'll teach 'em.
4. Dogs/cats make funny noises when stepped on.
They are also fun to pursue about the paddock, especially if any of your horsey companions join in and make it impossible for your quarry to escape. In fact, if you terrorise them often enough they will run away altogether and then you will have the human all to yourself.
5. Clothing is optional.
You should take every chance you can to attempt to remove pesky things such as halters, rugs and paddock boots. There's nothing humans enjoy more than picking up after you, especially if you manage to drop your brand new, $200 blanket in a ginormous puddle. As a reward they will let you go nude for the rest of the winter. Hellloooo mud baths!
6. Mud = good for the skin. Soap = not so much.
By bathing me you remove my war-paint, which is a serious offense. Therefore, following the laws of my kind, you must die a painful death. Or suffer a thousand lashes from my sopping wet tail.
7. Trailers are death-traps and must be avoided at all costs.
If your human insists on dragging you onto one, gently persuade them not to by digging your feet in and stubbornly refusing to move an inch. If they try bribing you, act like you're taking the bait, then snatch it when their attention wanders. Humans are notorious for getting easily distracted. If they get frustrated and bring out the big guns (aka. a rope or a cattle-prodder) kick up a tremendous fuss and, if possible, injure yourself in the process.
They'll soon give up.
8. Nighttime is the best time to make alot of noise.
Humans don't like to sleep, and they appreciate it when you help them stay up as late as possible. Once you see the lights in their stable go out, be sure to set up terrific noise. It doesn't matter how, whether it's loudly neighing to the horse three miles down the road, or pawing at a bucket, or annoying the dogs until they start up a barking frenzy.
Your humans will love you so much for stopping them sleeping that they will bring out more water (helllooo another noisy bucket!), or perhaps even some extra hay to reward you.
And those are just some lessons I've learnt from my miniatures. |
|
|
|
10 days ago
• 2,301 views
|
|
|
|
gummy333000
i i i dont get it ...
i i i dont get it ...
|
10 days ago
• 2,355 views
|
|
|
|
T W I
Very well written! And so funny!
Very well written! And so funny!
|
10 days ago
• 2,299 views
|
|
|
|
|
10 days ago
• 2,313 views
|
|
|
|
weezapony
This is hilarious! Great job! :D
This is hilarious! Great job! :D
|
10 days ago
• 2,294 views
|
|
|
|
Beaulottaz
Great article. Sooo funny! AND true! lol
Great article. Sooo funny! AND true! lol
|
10 days ago
• 2,374 views
|
|
|
|
Equestri
Great article. You had me laughing at certain points there :D
Great article. You had me laughing at certain points there :D
|
10 days ago
• 2,331 views
|
|
|
|
Savellla
*whispers* goats are plotting your demise as well... Great article :)
*whispers* goats are plotting your demise as well... Great article :)
|
9 days ago
• 2,404 views
|
|
|
|
Dreamer100
I SOOO GET IT! HA HA! I was laughing my head off! I love this article!!!!!!
I SOOO GET IT! HA HA! I was laughing my head off! I love this article!!!!!!
|
9 days ago
• 2,301 views
|
|
|
|
|
9 days ago
• 2,322 views
|
|
|
|
|
May 9, 2011
• 2,329 views
|
|
|
|
|
Apr 14, 2012
• 2,304 views
|
|
|
|
|
More News by Valkyrie
|
|
Even the Triple Crown hero needs a buddy! Smokey is a 6 year old gelding who trainer Bob Baffert purchased at auction to help calm nervous Thoroughbreds in his barn. The buckskin not only travels with Pharoah and Baffert's other r ...
|
|
If you've ever watched a horse race you probably saw thrills, spills and maybe felt a few chills at watching the fastest horse breed in the world compete to see who has the greatest will to win. Horse racing is, without a doubt, t ...
|
|
When you think of pit ponies often images of 19th century coal mines springs to view dark and damp, with sooty, stale air dull on the tongue. But pit ponies were still in service well into the 20th century. In fact the last re ...
|
|
The incident that occurred on the fifth of May, 2011, may be New Zealand Thoroughbred gelding Banna Strand's only claim to fame. By the Danehill son Danasinga, out of a Kaapstad mare, Banna Strand (2003) was trained by John Wheele ...
|
|
This is a very basic tutorial. A lot of artists go into more depth with their work, and I often like to as well, but for the purpose of learning and gaining confidence I've just whipped up a quick tutorial to get you started. Ther ...
|
|
Recently Ive seen a lot of members who have formed a lynch mob and are going around sneering at and jeering other members who have barbed wire fencing. This is immature and heavy-handed behaviour. I myself was a victim of one of ...
|
|
School! Claire groaned and dived into the car. And not just any school PUBLIC SCHOOL. For the past three years she had been attending a private all girls boarding school six hours away. This year Gloria had finally relented and ...
|
|
He may just be history's biggest comeback kid ever. Mark (Toddy) Todd recently became the oldest person to ever win the prestigious Badminton Horse Trials at the ripe old age of 55, beating previous record-holder Andrew Hoy by ...
|
|
|